Because He Got High

Patterson
"Next, I'm going to confess to the Goldfish Killing of '61." Photo: Getty Images

Last night, David Paterson told NY1 that he has used marijuana and cocaine "a couple of times." Not that he's hitting the chronic before looking over the budget, mind you — this was a while ago. "I don't think I've touched marijuana since the late seventies," he said. He doesn't think! But who can be sure? Can we? Do we care? We seem to have gotten over Obama's hippie-days drug use, and, anyway, Paterson already admitted this back when he was running for lieutenant governor in 2006. Oh. Did you not hear that then? Maybe it was because no one ever imagined in their wildest dreams that Eliot Spitzer, moral crusader, would resign after it was revealed that he had sex with hookers many, many times, and then we'd be left with a blind adulterous pothead governing the state. Guess THAT will teach us not to pay attention to the lieutenant governor!

And, oh, David Paterson is having the last laugh now: He's just decided to go with the flow and see where it all takes him. We can only wonder what will come rolling out of his mouth next. Will he confess to Metro that it was he who in the fourth grade left the cage door open and let the class hamster run away and get eaten by feral cats? Come clean to AM New York about the sex dreams about his mother? Was there a period where he was sneaking out late at night to pour liquid accelerant on homeless people and set them on fire? We'll have to wait and see. But at least Paterson has never patronized prostitutes. Only lobbyists.

Paterson admits to drug use [ABC]