Fans to Joe Torre: Did You Get a Haircut?'

Joe Torre
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Ashlee Simpson tried to book an SNL appearance to promote her new album, but producers said no. Rudy Giuliani took a spill while walking on a sidewalk in Florida and came away with a nasty shiner. Chelsea Clinton was "very friendly and gracious" to her cabbie. An unnamed hip-hop mogul supposedly likes to practice nude yoga in a Chelsea gym steam room, despite his "pathetic manhood." Superb.

Rod Stewart's 27-year-old son, Sean, may or may not have stolen an Escalade from the family of 19-year-old ex-girlfriend Caleigh Peters in an attempt to get her back. A resident of the Upper West Side bought a "CLIENT9" vanity plate for his blue Subaru. Britney Spears's dad wants her to book a sitcom gig so she has a regular nine-to-five schedule. The IRS is investigating whether some Las Vegas nightclubs are evading taxes by not reporting the full amount they make off of cover charges at the door. Dita Von Teese finally got the $25,000 she was owed by a London trade show for doing six stripteases last year. Kid Rock, RZA, and Nelly were among those who attended the randomest-ever joint birthday party of Quentin Tarantino and Fergie in Vegas. Anna Kournikova and Andy Baldwin are competing in a triathlon in South Beach. Robin Leach has made a habit of turning up at fancy Vegas eateries and demanding comped meals but not leaving a tip. What a town! Victoria's Secret model Selita Ebanks wants to put out an album. Nicollette Sheridan's former trainer-slash-lover is trying to get a tell-all published about her.