Paterson to Stop Invading Your Nightmares With Overshares

Schwartz
Photo: Photo composite: Getty Images

At a press conference yesterday, David Paterson — he of the floozies and cocaine — declared he would hold no more press conferences to discuss his personal life, which he feels has received unprecedented attention from the media. "I think that, more than any elected official on the planet and probably in outer space, I have discussed my personal situation over the last week," he said. Well, that's a bit much, don't you think, David? We mean, have you ever even been to outer space? Have you ever sat down with an extraterrestrial and really talked to him, heard his story? Dude, Bill Clinton would probably be a super-duper place to start, and he's right here on this very planet!