We cannot even begin to tell you how excited we were when we cracked open this week's New Yorker and found that MasterCard has a new promotion in which We, the Common People, are eligible to win a one-of-a-kind commissioned portrait from The Man Himself, Julian Schnabel. "Are You Searching for Something Priceless?" the ad asked. There was a small envelope attached. "Look inside to see if your search is over." We squealed. We just knew we were going to win. We put the envelope in our pocket and ran all the way to the New York Mag office. Like Charlie with his Wonka Bar, we could feel the golden twinkle in our eye. "Grandpa Joe!" we shrieked, flinging open the door. Dan Kois of the Vulture blog glared at us grumpily. Everyone just kept staring at their screens and typing. The world isn't what it used to be. We sat down at our desks and opened the envelope.
Aw!, we said. But then we remembered that we still had access to the world of pure imagination, where dreams come true! That is, Photoshop. And so we made a Schnabel of ourselves, and guess what? It was priceless.