Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump Sunder Relationship, Our Hearts

Brooke Astor
It physically hurt us to make this illustration. Photo: Patrick McMullan

Noooooooooooooooo! We refuse to believe it! "Page Six" reported this morning that J-Vanka is no more. Apparently, the twentysomething power couple broke up after dating for nearly a year — the evidence being that Ivanka "was flying solo at a few recent soirees." We did see the two happily together at the Frick Young Fellows ball two weeks ago, but a lot can happen in that amount of time. For one, it only takes a moment for a mom to decide that she's tired of her tall, handsome Jewish son dating such an outrageously bodacious shiksa. For another, the real-estate market is beginning to tank, and the strain of that kind of stress (they both are development mini-moguls) would take a toll on any relationship. Or maybe Ivanka bestie Wendi Deng just finally told Ivanka that she could easily snag somebody much richer and more decrepit. But here's our problem: They. Are. Too. Attractive. To. Break. Up. He is gorgeous, she's a knockout. They're both bajillionaires with Ivy League educations who are nine feet tall and thin. And they're funny and charming, too. IF THEY CAN'T MAKE IT WORK IN THIS CITY, NOBODY CAN. We've reached out to them for comment and will let you know if this all isn't true. If it is, we're moving to Tallahassee.

UNATTACHED [NYP]