If we were Les Moonves and we wanted people to get off Katie Couric's back, we would have given some totally awesome quote to reporters, like, "Why don't you go chug a quart of bull piss, cowgirls?" You know, to take the heat off her for a minute and really throw everybody off track. But Moonves predictably went the other route, calling a CBS News staff meeting and saying that Katie Couric is his "anchor today, tomorrow, and in the future." Sure, it's a powerful statement, but we think ours just has a better ring to it. And seriously, nothing Moonves says is going to dissuade reporters from printing the rumors that Couric will depart the anchor's chair after the election. Even in his column reporting Moonves's support, the Washington Post's Howard Kurtz quotes two other "top network executives" who say her days are numbered. Who cares if Moonves, who is technically the top network executive, says she's sticking around? There are plenty of other high-placed execs who say she's not. Man, CBS is getting to be like the worst kind of gay underwear party: all tops and no one to anchor it all.
Most Viewed Stories
The Rocky Horror Picture Show Cast Takes Their 40th-Anniversary Reunion Photo
There Are Pictures of Justin Bieber’s Big Penis on the Internet
Meet the College Student Who Started a ‘Restaurant’ in His Dorm Room
The Brutal Economics of Being a Yoga Teacher
Justin Bieber Wants to Sue Everyone Who Published His Dick
How the Media Is Handling Kevin McCarthy’s Rumored Affair
Why Republicans Need Paul Ryan As House Speaker
Your Guide to the New Facebook Response Buttons
Why AMC Renewed Halt and Catch Fire for a Third Season Despite Its Dismal Ratings
Stop Treating Young Women Like Dumbbells
Latest News from Daily IntelligencerJetBlue Opened a Potato Farm at JFK Airport
Back to the land at Terminal 5.Bratton Snatches Joint From Woman on the Street, Throws It in the Sewer
"I thought, “What the hell — 8:30 on Wall Street?'"Was Arne Duncan Secretly Obama’s Boss All Along?
If the president only knew about his administration's terrible education policies!Pizza Rat Has Apparently Started a Cheesy Rodent War in New York
The thirst for delicious and quick Italian has overtaken the rats of our city.4 Tunisian Civil-Society Organizations Share the Nobel Peace Prize
The National Dialogue Quartet of Tunisia protected the democratic process following the country's Arab Spring uprising.Rubio, Not Trump, Is Now the Defining Figure in the GOP Race
He's not the most bombastic candidate, but he's the most talented.7 Easy Ways to Signal That You Have Absolutely No Interest in Becoming House Speaker
First, prepare a look of utter disgust and revulsion (which shouldn't be too hard given the job we're talking about).Fatal Fraternity Shooting at Northern Arizona University
One dead, three injured in the early morning hours.U.S. Reportedly Ending Program That Only Managed to Train ‘Four or Five’ Syrian Rebels
Meanwhile, the conflict in Syria continues.Why Republicans Need Paul Ryan As House Speaker
He's an ideological zealot and a tactical pragmatist.
The action begins tonight in Los Angeles.Can Your Child Be Taught to Defeat a Gunman at Her School?
“The canned food item will give the students a sense of empowerment to protect themselves and will make them feel secure in case an intruder enters the classroom.”Portraits of 9 New York City Carriage Drivers and Their Horses
Why they say it's a tradition worth preserving.How the Media Is Handling Kevin McCarthy’s Rumored Affair
Outside conservative media, mostly with vague innuendo.Ben Carson Tries to Top Himself, Blames Holocaust on Gun Control
It’s a popular theory, though it’s been repeatedly debunked.More Clues That Joe Biden Is Definitely, Maybe Running for President
His team met with the DNC to learn about election rules.How the Right Is Reacting to the House Leadership Crisis
Some don’t mind the chaos because “electing McCarthy was the real worse scenario.”Who’s Going to Be the Next House Speaker?
Note: Only a handful of people on this list actually want the job.Donald Trump Has at Least One Very Enthusiastic Hispanic Supporter
"Is this a setup?"Weird Accessories Are Fine; Grabbing Women Is Not
In case you were wondering.