So earlier we discussed how Woody Allen is suing American Apparel founder Dov Charney in the Jewishest lawsuit New York has ever seen. But since then, we found out a few things. For one, we feel so gullible for thinking that Allen was suing because Charney used his image without permission and Woody “doesn’t promote products in America.” ( Ever since he slept with his stepdaughter, he is officially European.) The truth is, Woody is suing for the most American of reasons: He thinks he looks ugly in the picture. It was a long time ago, and he has a horrible pimple that you can see if you look close, and it really just embarrasses him. Furthermore, Woody had actually agreed to shoot an ad for American Apparel, one that he fully approved of but then at the eleventh hour Dov didn’t want to use, probably because he is such a fickle bitch. Intel has gotten ahold of that ad, which we present to you after the jump.*
He thought he looked thinner in this one.
*This is all a pack of lies.