John McCain is going to be on Saturday Night Live this weekend! He’s proven to be pretty funny on the other shows he’s been on, but we’re interested to see how he does with the young whippersnappers on SNL. Below, we imagine what it would be like if he joined “Weekend Update” for Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers’s hilarious “Really” segment:
Poehler: Really, China and Burma? You thought your devastating natural disasters could distract American media from the Democratic primary? Next time try a little harder, guys. Really.
McCain: Really, Life Alert? You really just have to push a button and help magically appears? Really?
Seth Meyers: Really, Vito Fossella? You think you can run for reelection and win? Really? The only thing about you with staying power these days is your baby-making machinery. Really.
McCain: Really, Cindy? You really think you’re not a cunty painted trollop? Really? Why did you think I married you?
Poehler: Wow. Really? You went there?
Meyers: Ha! Ha! Um, anyway. Really, Gwyneth Paltrow? You think we still really want to see your legs? To America you’re just another British nanny now. Really.
Poehler: Really, Knicks? You really think a dude with a mustache from Phoenix can take over Isiah Thomas’s team and make it work? He’s white. Really!
McCain: Ha! Really, Democrats? You think a dude from Illinois can take over your race and make it work? He’s —
Meyers: A freshman senator! Really.
McCain: Wait, you can make a joke about someone being white, but you can’t make one about him being black? Really?
Poehler: Ha-ha! Hey, Senator McCain, Israel celebrated its 60th birthday this month. Are you really older than them? Really?
Poehler: And you’re really older than FM radio and the Golden Gate Bridge? Really?
McCain: Yes, really.
Poehler: Wait, and you’re older than Dick Cheney? Really? Wasn’t everyone worried he was too old and frail to assume the presidency?
McCain: Really? Is it true that you are a stringy-haired, overhyped, less funny version of Tina Fey? Because that’s what I heard. Really.
Meyers: Whoa! That was really harsh. Really. Moving on. Really, Alec Baldwin, you really want us to believe you’d run for public office? If your daughter is a little pig, what’s a Republican? Really?!
McCain: Really, Seth Meyers? You really want us to believe you’ve ever come face-to-face with a vagina in your life? Really?
Poehler: This segment is really, really over. Really.