Today Channel 4 anchor Sue Simmons tells the Post that she was not drunk on the air when she dropped the F-bomb on Monday. The tabloid claimed that the popular New York news mainstay used to head to Gallaghers or Jean Georges between the 5 p.m. and 11 p.m. broadcasts and get tipsy. But today, she denies the story: "I haven't had an alcoholic drink between shows for at least 15 years or more," she says. "Not one word of [the Post story] is true." The original tabloid tale was titled "SILLY SUE A SALTY SWILLER," which is, admittedly, awesome. But today's headline read: "SUE FUMES OVER NEWS OF BOOZE." Not "Sue Denies Booze Story," or something that indicates that it may have been wrong. She's just mad about the fact that the Post figured it out, you see. Luckily, the tabloid's eternally polite cartoonist Sean Delonas doesn't let silly things like denials get in the way of his art. Above we see the insanely insulting evidence of his gusto. Apparently, not only is Sue Simmons a drunk, she's also a smoker, maybe a gambler, and possibly a whore. And she cries when she drinks, which is the worst offense of all. If we were her, we'd pull a Col Allen and go over to the Post and kick some ass. Since when do they have the right to get all judgey over drinking during work hours?
Most Viewed Stories
Terry Richardson Shot Miley Cyrus for CANDY Magazine and It’s As NSFW As You’re Imagining
What’s Leaving Netflix in December: The Most Urgent Movies to Watch Over Thanksgiving Weekend
Who the Jessica Jones Characters Are in the Comics and How They Connect to the Marvel Universe
Creed is a Winner at the Box Office, and Also a Valuable Lesson
Why Leonardo DiCaprio’s Turn in The Revenant Will Be Hard to Beat at the Oscars
Mariah Carey Is Just as Oblivious to Age as She Is to Jennifer Lopez
What Exactly Makes Adele’s Voice So ‘Once in a Generation’ Special?
Your Instagram Eyebrows Are Scaring Everyone
In Praise of Adele, My Fat, Flawless Heroine
How Friends Decided to Pair Off Monica and Chandler
Latest News from Daily Intelligencer3 Killed in Shooting at Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs [UPDATED]
The gunman has been taken into custody.Donald Trump Mocks a Reporter's Disability, Says That He Didn’t
While defending his discredited claims about traitorous Muslims, Trump appeared to make fun of a reporter's crippled arm.Ben Carson Will Spend His Black Friday With Syrian Refugees
To increase his foreign policy acumen, Carson will visit a camp for Syrian refugees in northern Jordan.Turing Pharmaceuticals Was Actually Kidding About Reducing Price of Drug
Here's one thing your entire family can be outraged about this Thanksgiving.Obama Tells Americans to Chill Out and Enjoy Thanksgiving
Intelligence suggests that the only specific and credible threat facing the homeland is overeating.Walmart’s Black Friday Spies
Save money. Sneak better.Terrorism in the Age of Trump
What’s changed in the right-wing brain since 9/11.Military Releases 3,000-Page Explanation of Why Kunduz Hospital Was Bombed
It's just a case of operator error and instrument failure — not a war crime!De Blasio and Cuomo Are Super Thankful for Each Other This Year
The elected officials know that Thanksgiving is best celebrated by yelling about people you say you care about.Is Donald Trump a Fascist?
Is it fair to call Donald Trump a fascist just because he feels like one?
The 7,000-ton ship was so badly damaged it had to be scrapped.Football Fan Gets Back at Cops Who Ejected Him From a Game by Sending Them Doughnuts
No one ever says that revenge tastes like coconut.Russia Readies Missile Systems in Syria But Does ‘Not Plan to Go to War With Turkey’
The tensions over the downed warplane continue.Trump Debuts First Recruit in His 2016 Clone Army
Trump fans aren't content to just vote for him anymore. Now they have to be him.5 Amazing Stats From the Warriors’ Historic 16-0 Start
It's the best start in NBA history.Ted Cruz and James Woods Spend 40 Minutes Talking About How Much They Love This Country
A reconstruction of a historic meeting of the minds.Is Ted Cruz the Candidate Who Can Beat Donald Trump?
He’s polling second in Iowa, so it’s his turn to be the GOP’s primary darling.Newborn Found in Nativity Scene at Queens Church
The healthy baby boy was found in the appropriately named Holy Child Jesus Church in Richmond Hill.Protests Erupt in Chicago Over Video of Cop Fatally Shooting Black Teen
Officer Jason Van Dyke was charged with murder on Tuesday.City Hall Calls an Audible on Carriage Horses
Mayor de Blasio is apparently trying to find a middle ground that would reduce the number of carriages and make a few tweaks to the industry.