We feel sort of bad for Cecil Suwal, the 23-year-old who pleaded guilty yesterday to running the day-to-day operations of the Emperors Club VIP, the prostitution ring that gave the world "Kristen" and took away Eliot Spitzer. It seems like Cecil might just have really terrible luck. Not only did she hook up with an agency that happened to be the very agency that would be at the heart of the biggest prostitution scandal New York has ever seen —and will now serve 21 to 27 months in jail — but she apparently was the Girl Who Had to Go to the Hospital After Taking Mushrooms in college. "One time, I was hospitalized for taking poisonous mushrooms, which my body rejected and that's what happened," Suwal said. Ugh, it makes you wonder what went wrong in Cecil's youth. Was she also the Girl Who Got Alcohol Poisoning at the party? The Girl Who Wore a Back Brace? Who everyone called Four Eyes? No, it's worse: "I didn't know this chick at all," Kurt Backes, a "standout wrestler" who went to high school with Suwal told the Newark Star-Ledger. "The name is sort of familiar, but I can't put a face to it. She definitely wasn't well-known." Ouch. Who knew the terminally unpopular turn to prostitution?
Most Viewed Stories
The 2014 Emmy Nominations Are Here
Best Actress in an Emmys Nominations Announcement Who Had to Keep Reading the TelePrompTer Even After Her Snub: Mindy Kaling
Libertarian Accidentally Shows How Obamacare Is Succeeding
Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling Are Expecting
George R.R. Martin Says ‘F*ck You’ to People Who Say He Won’t Finish the Books
Homestar Runner Is Coming Back
This Nonexistent Social Network With No Revenues and No Assets Is Worth $4 Billion
People Won’t Stop Body-Shaming ‘Chubby’ Athlete on Cover of ESPN Body Issue
The Saddest Newspaper Front Pages in Brazil After Their World Cup Embarrassment
Emmys 2014: Sorry, Kids, Tatiana Maslany Never Had a Chance
Latest News on Daily IntelligencerRIP, BrooklyKnight, the Nets’ Terrible (and Terribly Creepy) Pun-Based Mascot
The team has thankfully "decided to go in a different direction."White House Ditches Bowling Alley Renovations
Just hours after soliciting bids. Someone messed up.Cars With Fuzzy Pink Mustaches Deemed Illicit in NYC
The city is challenging the ride-share start-up Lyft.Argentina Midfielder: ‘I Tore My Anus’
Who says soccer players aren't tough?Sharon Van Etten Is Too Shy to Call Herself a New Yorker
The musician takes on our signature questionnaire.Gay Marriage Ban Overturned in Colorado, But Utah Just Made Things Really Interesting
Is another Supreme Court fight next?7 Ways Paul Ryan Revealed His Love for Ayn Rand
Society could never accept their love, but the passion could not be denied ...Tallest Residential Building in the World Will Stop at 1,775 Feet, Because America
The World Trade Center (née the Freedom Tower) is 1,776 feet.ISIS Militants Stole 88 Pounds of Nuclear Material
Don't worry, it's "low grade."Supercool Dude in Tie-dye Shirt Fired for Waiting 19 Hours to Buy Legal Weed, ‘Still #1 Tho!!’
Spokane’s first customer is not sweating it.
Metaphor alert.Libertarian Accidentally Shows How Obamacare Is Succeeding
Reading months of doomsaying all at once tells a different story.Obama, GOP Basically Agree on Border Crisis, But Aren’t Fixing It
First, they need to do some political posturing.3 Rikers Guards Charged With Brutally Beating Inmate
Then trying to cover it up.2 Separate Groups Might Have Attacked the Benghazi Compound
According to newly unveiled congressional testimony.Donald Sterling Calls Wife a ‘Pig’ in Court, Vows to Sue NBA ‘Until I Die’
Charming as ever.GIF Recap: Argentina Advances to World Cup Final With Shoot-out Victory
The finals are Sunday afternoon.This Nonexistent Social Network With No Revenues and No Assets Is Worth $4 Billion
What bubble?Everyone Keeps Crashing at the Tour de France Because So Many People Are Taking Selfies
A new occupational hazard.This Is What 2 Ounces of Weed Looks Like
The not insignificant amount you can now carry in Brooklyn without fear of prosecution.
She shot him up and watched him die.Everything You Need to Know About the Very Awkward Allegations That the U.S. Has Been Spying on Germany
A dummy weather app, a speech impediment, the Fourth of July, and much more!
Add another blemish to former city councilman Dan Halloran's record.Chelsea Clinton Takes After Her Parents, Gets Paid Crazy Amounts of Money for Speeches
But she doesn't keep it.Police Want to Force a 17-Year-Old Accused of Sexting His Girlfriend to Take More Explicit Photos As Evidence
Using a shot to make him erect.Times Square Elmos May Soon Need License to Creep People Out and Harass Tourists
A city councilman has drafted a bill.High Expectations at Seattle’s First Legal Marijuana Store
It's a whole new world in Washington State.Frank Rich on the National Circus: Could Hobby Lobby Reverse Progress on Gay Civil Rights?
The “religious freedom” argument of those who want to restrict access to contraception is a fig leaf.Are Teenagers Growing Up Republican?
I blame a society that tells its youth that the answers can be found in the MTV video games.Ray Nagin Gets an Easy 10 Years in Prison for New Orleans Corruption
Half of what he faced for bribery, tax evasion, and wire fraud.
It's also preparing for the first ground offensive since 2009.Blond Surfer-Looking Dude Sucker Punches Pedestrian, Runs Away As Fast As He Can
Not cool, dude.Denver Bro Asks Obama to Smoke Weed, Gets a Laugh, Posts to Instagram
America in 2014 (in Colorado).The Saddest Newspaper Front Pages in Brazil After Their World Cup Embarrassment
O major fiasco da história.FBI and NSA Spied on Prominent Muslim-Americans, Snowden Leak Reveals
Including civil rights activists, academics, and a Republican political candidate.The New Yorker Is Opening Its Archives, Then Putting Up a New Paywall
It's all-you-can-read for the next three months.President Obama Shook Hands With a Guy Wearing a Horse-Head Mask
The bear is loose, wants to get back in his cage.Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Seemed Totally Normal After the Boston Bombing
And "slept a little bit more," according to his roommate.Brooklyn District Attorney Finally Gets to Stop Prosecuting Small-Time Pot Busts
Kenneth Thompson has been working on this for a while.Twitter Sure Does Have a Lot of Nazi and Holocaust Jokes for the Germany-Brazil Game!
A brutal first half leads to some brutal one-liners.
Big fish Raj Rajaratnam's brother gets off.GIF Recap: Germany Stuns Brazil 7–1 to Advance to the World Cup Final
The second semifinal is tomorrow.Hospital Pharmacist Had a Convenient Side Hustle
Stealing and selling tons of painkillers.Mother Arrested for Leaving Baby in Subway Station
Frankea Dabbs left her home in North Carolina last week.Uber Competitor Lyft Launches in Brooklyn and Queens
Pink mustaches, welcome to New York.12 Other Incredibly Stupid Kickstarter Projects That Could Be the Next Potato Salad
Let someone burn your money for you.Government Finds Some Old Smallpox Lying Around
No big deal, just one of the deadliest diseases in the history of man.This Chromecast App Will Liberate You From the Shackles of Legal, Paid-For Streaming Video
So that's cool.Republicans to Hold 2016 Convention in Worst State in America
Life in Ohio, a continuing series that the Republican National Committee obviously has not read.The Enormous Typhoon Sweeping Across Japan Looks Very Scary From Space
It's the strongest typhoon of the season so far.