When we saw that Jason Giambi was a finalist in Major League Baseball’s “Final Vote” — in which fans can go online to fill the All-Star Team’s last roster spot — we thought to ourselves, This is what the Yankees have been waiting for! Now that he’s transformed himself into a lovable figure simply by growing some facial hair, we just know they’ve been anxious to fully throw their PR machine behind their candidate (whose contract, we’ll remind you, they once considered voiding because of steroid use).
And so we weren’t surprised to read about the team’s plans for a “Support the Stache” campaign to encourage fans to vote for Giambi. They’ll distribute 20,000 fake mustaches at Yankee Stadium tomorrow night, and they say the faux facial hair will also be worn by team broadcasters and maybe even players. They’re even calling in the big guns, claiming the endorsement of the American Mustache Institute, which has provided one of its trademark over-the-top quotations: “Giambi’s significant first-half production as well as his powerful lip fur — indicating great intellect and good looks — make two very compelling reasons for his place on the American League All-Star roster.”
Now, we understand that baseball is a game, and it’s supposed to be fun and all of that. Really, we do. But, seriously, it’s only a mustache, people. And if this doesn’t stop now, will it ever? Will the 'stache be offered a book deal? Have an affair with an aging pop star? Land a Just for Men commercial? Though, on second thought, fellow nominee Jermaine Dye might have the inside track on that, based on name alone. Which is fine — we voted for him anyway. —Joe DeLessio