Moby Demonstrates His Stealth Slut Powers to Us

Moby Josh Lucas
Moby and Josh Lucas outside the party. Photo: Kristen Somody Whalen

Over the past year, we've written a lot about Moby being a stealth slut. We were shocked that he dated Natalie Portman. He protested that men never hit on him. And he even professed to liking it when we call him a skank. But we had heretofore never seen his mystical man powers in action. That all changed last night when we went to a private Belvedere party at subMercer (we know — what are we, social?) hosted by Kiki de Montparnasse. It was part of this "Downtown Meets Uptown" thing that they've been doing there, so of course Damon Dash was huddled in a corner smoking indoors, Josh Lucas was flirting his way around the bar, and somehow Arden Wohl changed her entire outfit in the middle of the room. But anyway, the bright shining moment was when we were in a sort of side area of the subterranean lounge, near the D.J. Suddenly we realized we were in the presence of the Bodyrocker himself, seated quietly on a banquette.

And then an amazing thing happened. There were some people dancing in an open space — two well-dressed guys and two girls. They were the only people in the entire bar even remotely grooving, but it was okay because they were all gorgeous (and maybe drunk). As Moby began watching, the two guys danced back toward the wall, and then just sort of melted away. After a few moments, there were just the two Amazonian girls, both in black, completely leggy and beautiful, writhing and shimmying in front of the rock star. It was hypnotic and amazing, but we could watch for only a few moments. If things continued in the direction they were going, we surely would have witnessed something spectacular.

But it also definitely would have made us go blind — which wasn't worth it at all. So we slipped back into the other room, content in the knowledge that Moby, truly and deeply, is a maginacal* little man.

*maj-EYE-ni-cull: Having special powers of, or relating to, the female anatomy.