Ikea Shuttle-Crisis Solved?

Red Hook: There was a rumor that the Ikea water taxi between the store and Manhattan was no longer going to be free, but $6, for noncustomers. But the store’s saying that’s not true, just that customers (with proof of purchase) will be seated first. Hmmm, how long will this last? And will they keep the buses in and out of the Hook free for non-shoppers, too? (Plus, is The Real World coming here now?) [Curbed]
Brooklyn Heights: A federal parole office will share a building with the tony St. Ann’s middle and high schools, but, according to the chief probation officer, most of the sex offenders coming in and out never actually molested a child, just downloaded child porn. That’s a relief. [Brownstoner]
Bushwick: In this wacky new bohemian outpost, an artist wants people to wear plants on their belts. He did: “Most of the time, people gave me weird looks and would snicker, ‘That guy’s wearing a plant.’ But then they’d talk about plants for twenty minutes. How cool is that?” Pretty cool, Chris! (Eye roll.) [Metro via BushwickBK]
Chelsea: A scary, Santa-type painter may be evicted from his large $576-a-month apartment because it’s crammed with (kinda scary?) artwork that was blocking the route to the fire escape. But the painter says the real problem is that his art “intimidated” the new owners and also “excited their glands.” [VV]

Gowanus: Speaking of old buildings, look at this sad, landmarked, deteriorating old dame sitting all by herself next to the lot where the Whole Foods store has been delayed. Neither this gal’s owner nor Whole Foods has stepped up to repair the old broad. [NYDN]
Lower East Side: A Bowery townhouse once housing the bottling company of a man who offed himself has been bought by the same developer who bought up the surrounding buildings. They may all come down in favor of a big new hotel, but one holdout tenant’s not budging. [Vanishing NY]
Midland Beach Park: One advantage of being developmentally disabled, perhaps, is that clowns delight rather than terrify you. So seemed to the be case here on Staten Island, when Cole Brothers clowns entertained about 200 DD folks this morning. “They love when the clown comes,” said their program director. It’s nice for the clowns that somebody does. [SILive]