It seems as though our universe has just been riddled with ladies in distress these days: Christie Brinkley, Anne Hathaway, and even our rock of the ages, Madonna. Is there any hope? Jada Yuan asked the Upper East Side's own world-famous astrologer Susan Miller of Astrologyzone.com what the stars might have in store for the, er, stars.
What went wrong?
Miller says Cook's offenses — cheating on Brinkley with a then-18-year-old; masturbating on Webcam — can be traced to a rare and powerful (and horny) Mars-conjunct-Venus aspect in his chart. "He has this incredible sex-appeal aspect," she says. But he also needs constant reassurance that he's attractive and has likely become insecure as he's gotten older.
As far as love goes, Miller sees a future of regrets. "Gemini needs a partner and intellectual rapport," says Miller. "And as the girls get younger and younger, he may wonder what he's doing and realize what he lost. These two charts remind me of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, another unnecessary split."
What's next … for her? Having Jupiter in the house of family at her birth will protect Brinkley's kids and home in the divorce. But Aquarius gets a respite when generous Jupiter enters the sign for the first time in twelve years. "She's going into a glorious year," says Miller. "All her anger will fade away."
The burning question: Why did she stay with a shady guy so long?
"I don't think she knew," says Miller. Hathaway has four planets in Scorpio, which makes her an Über-Scorpio. She's intensely loyal, and "her feelings run very deep." Plus, Hathaway was born with the aspect of Pluto conjuncts Saturn, which — we're not kidding — means she inadvertently attracts shady characters. She may be used to them by now.
What about those rumors that she turned him in?
They're very likely true. Scorpio is one of the shrewdest signs and toward the end, says Miller, "she was definitely connecting the dots." Miller thinks Hathaway "got a big piece of the puzzle" around March 7, during the same "very revealing new moon" that sent Eliot Spitzer into the headlines.
What's next for her?
Saturn is in Hathaway's eleventh house, which means she's feeling isolated and abandoned by her friends. She's not over Follieri yet, though, and she won't be until around September 15, when "more stuff comes up that she didn't know, and it's irrefutable." As for love, Hathaway was born with Jupiter conjuncts the sun, a fortuitous cosmic aspect. "The love of her life is coming in 2010," says Miller. "He's only a year and a half away."
Why isn't the marriage working?
For one thing, Miller says she's already had her true love, and it wasn't Richie. "It was Sean Penn." We knew it! Also, says Miller, their charts are almost too similar. They're both strong-willed perfectionists, but when it comes to money, she's a control freak, while he's a spontaneous free-spender.
Madonna, why so sad?
Saturn is on her sun, triggering a deep depression that happens only once every 29 years. And her rising sign, Virgo, has been pummeled with eclipses for the past three years. "Eclipses are like heat-seeking missiles," says Miller. "I think by this chart that she did try to keep it together, and what we're seeing is finally giving up." Incidentally, Miller says Madonna's chart looks just like Brad Pitt's did when he was married to Jennifer Aniston — extremely unhappy and being hit by a succession of eclipses.
Will she leave?
"Definitely," says Miller — unless Madonna keeps her marriage together by some gigantic force of will (she is Madonna, after all). Virgo rising has two more eclipses coming up on August 1 and August 16, with the final eclipse coming on a full moon, which signifies the end of her old life and a beginning of a new one.
It's not clear that Rodriguez has strayed, but he's due for number of huge financial hits over the next year. It gets much worse around January 26 of next year, when his sign faces a solar eclipse. And around July 22 of next year, he's going to be hit again with a work-related surprise. Miller thinks he might lose an endorsement — but Yankee's fans can relax. "He's got strong focus," says Miller. "He's been able to partition this and not let it affect his work."
*Full disclosure: Since we didn't have the time of birth for any of the parties involved, the charts Miller analyzed were not complete.