The Wisdom of Steve Guttenberg

The Love Goot-ru. Photo: Photo-illustration: WireImage, istockphoto

After profiling Steve Guttenberg, a.k.a. "The Goot," two weeks ago, Observer scribe Spencer Morgan felt compelled to return to his subject again this week. We can understand why. The Goot is truly a magnetic personality, his conversation a heady potpourri of misogyny, profanity, and philosophy. He's been offered a reality show, the Observer tells us, and we hope it's something along the lines of The Pick-up Artist, because we suspect Guttenberg's true destiny lies in self-help or motivational speaking. He could be a Goot-ru!

Below, a brief sampling of his wisdom.

• “Women are a magical part of life.”

• “You know, the sexual drive is the oldest drive. It’s the strongest drive, and we — as men — need to control that drive. We have to civilize ourselves.”

• “It must be divinely guided, the search for the right mate, the right partner, or not to have the right partner. It must be divinely guided, because it’s just — how on earth do you do it? You decide to go some place, and this girl that you’ve never met before decides to go some place, and you meet — there must be some spirituality to it.”

• “Talk to people who have to go and fill the gas tank, and then talk to their mom when she calls. Talk to some of the greatest artists of our time and see that they’ve got real desires and real needs — and, sure, they’re full of angst and human emotions like envy and anxiety and certain neuroses. Look in the Yellow Pages under ‘psychologists’; see if there’s anything listed there. Damn right, I’m a little pissed off. I’m pissed off that John Belushi and River Phoenix were killed by Hollywood. I’m pissed off about all those young people getting off that bus right now and going after all those parts and how they’re going to be used and abused and thrown around and wound up.…Look at that line of people trying out for American Idol. That was me! I know what happened to those guys. I’m on the eighth floor. I want to be on the twentieth floor. But on the other side of that, I wake up on the eighth floor and I go, ‘I’m happy I’m on the eighth floor. How many guys get to be on the eighth floor?’”

Also: What Floor Are You On?, by Steve Guttenberg? Publishing GOLD.

Somebody Stop Him! The Goot is Loose…Part Deux [NYO]
Related: The Goot's Guide to Loving Women