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/the sports section
August 14, 2008 5:50 p.m.

In Which We Appreciate Michael Phelps’s Chest

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6:43 p.m. There’s a Chance Hurricane Matthew Could Be Headed for the East Coast Next Week

The Category 1 storm is currently in the Caribbean Sea.

 6:17 p.m. Florida Cop Sued Despite Baking ‘Sorry I Tased You’ Cake for Woman He Tased

Maybe she prefers pie.

 5:53 p.m. Many Civic-minded Masturbators Took a Break From Porn to Watch Monday’s Debate

PornHub saw a 16 percent drop in its usual Monday-night traffic during the first presidential debate.

 5:37 p.m. Wells Fargo CEO Goes Back to Washington for Another Public Flogging

Today it was the House Financial Services Committee’s turn, and they had fun.

4:43 p.m. Presidential Candidate Touts Inability to Name a Foreign Leader He Respects

At an MSNBC town hall, Gary Johnson revealed that he cannot, off the top of his head, name a single foreign leader. Now he’s bragging about it.

 3:51 p.m. Just in Time, Bernie Getting in Tune With Hillary

At a time where Clinton urgently needs “Sanders holdouts” to get onboard, he is coming to her aid.

 3:34 p.m. Utah Man May Have Been Infected With Zika After Wiping Away Dying Father’s Tears

A very weird case.

 3:04 p.m. Hillary Clinton Took an Uncharacteristic Gamble With Alicia Machado

Clinton trusted voters to recognize that Trump’s misogyny was more important than Machado’s run-ins with the law. (Or, she just forgot to Google her.)

 11:43 a.m. New Poll: Obama Would Not Be Doing Much Better Than Clinton Against Trump

In battleground states, the allegedly “weak” nominee seems to be matching the popular POTUS’s numbers.

 11:23 a.m. Trump Wanted L.A. Golf Club to Fire Employees Who Were ‘Not Attractive Enough’

“Mr. Trump doesn’t like fat people.”

11:13 a.m. Hillary Clinton Can’t Let Donald Trump Win the Corruption Issue

“Follow the money,” says candidate who won’t let you follow his money.

 10:20 a.m. One Killed, More Than 100 Injured After N.J. Train Crashes Into Hoboken Station

Investigators do not yet know the cause of the crash.

 9:41 a.m. Megyn Kelly Roasts Trump’s Campaign Manager Over His Sexist Comments

“Kellyanne, this is an issue for him, is it not?”

 8:33 a.m. Marijuana Can Fix Hillary Clinton’s Biggest Problem

If Clinton wins over millennials, she’ll almost certainly win the White House. And the best cure for millennial apathy is legal weed.

 5:30 a.m. El Cajon Police: Black Man Pointed Vaping Device Before Fatal Shooting

Hundreds protested the shooting of Alfred Olango.

4:04 a.m. Trump Campaign Has Sexist Plan to Fight Allegations of Sexism

Talking points say they should hammer Hillary for Bill’s sex scandals, though even Republicans think that’s a terrible idea.

1:17 a.m. Congress Averts Government Shutdown With Two Days to Spare

Progress!

 Yesterday at 11:02 p.m. Gary Johnson Can’t Name Single World Leader in Self-Described ‘Aleppo Moment’

Smart idea: Cover by reminding everyone of your last terrible gaffe.

 Yesterday at 6:29 p.m. U.S. to Send Another 600 Troops to Iraq Ahead of Push to Retake Mosul

Brings the total up to about 5,000.

 Yesterday at 6:08 p.m. Trump Asks Supporters to Tell Him to Attack Hillary More

In a very interesting survey he’s sending to backers, the GOP nominee is bringing up many of the lines he failed to use in the first debate.

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