Painting Courtesy Jacque Fabrizi
The Monster of Montauk has become so popular that he* has already spawned his own fan art. Long Island–born artist Jacque Fabrizi composed this painting of the nation's new hero and sent it along to us. In it, she imagines the monster in its younger, more alive days, when it could flop around in the waves undisturbed by surfers, vacationers, flies, Wolf Blitzer
, or anybody with a stick or a camera. It's kind of lovely, isn't it? It makes you imagine what its monster life must have been like. We bet it spent its days frolicking away in the waves, warming itself in the sun, and nipping at the muscular haunches of its other monster friends. It probably ate a healthy diet of fish and plant life. Maybe it would even slip up into the dunes at night to mate with its other monster lovers.
Eh, nah. That kind of monster would have clearly washed up on Fire Island.
*You didn't see the picture of his balls? The Monster of Montauk, just like Princess Chunk, is all man, man.