The FBI, weary of being called comically inept, insisted that government scientist Bruce Ivins was the perpetrator behind the 2001 anthrax attacks. (He was also apparently guilty of obsessing over Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority girls.) Prosecutors indicted John Gotti Jr. on charges of ordering three mob hits and trafficking cocaine. Pistol-packin’ Rebekah Johnson was found not guilty of shooting her former Ganas commune leader on Staten Island. Two window washers at the World Financial Center died when their cherry picker tipped over. Nostalgic teen rebels slam-danced to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of the Tompkins Square riots. The NYPD invited concerned citizens to text-message their local precincts. Transit officials declared war on subway gropers.
Thirteen goats chewed their way into the high-security perimeter around the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge. The “Montauk Monster” animal/alien carcass mysteriously vanished. Mary-Kate Olsen was cleared of involvement in Heath Ledger’s death, for now. A Queens woman was found beaten to death after Lil’ Kim’s birthday party at midtown’s Spotlight Live. Tribeca’s 10013 was named the most overpriced Zip Code in America, while Loews chairman Jonathan Tisch broke the co-op price record, dropping $48 million for fourteen rooms at 2 East 67th. Andrew Hamingson was named executive director at the Public Theater. Yankees starter Joba Chamberlain hit the disabled list with an ominous-sounding rotator-cuff injury. And the 3-week-old Jolie-Pitt twins finally surfaced, in photos that may have shown them chuckling at their $14 million payday. —Mark Adams