This morning at 8:08 a.m., the spawn of Clay Aiken burst through the body of his producer Jaymes Foster and entered a world eagerly anticipating its debut. Parker Foster Aiken, as the baby will be known, weighed six pounds, two ounces, and was nineteen inches long.
Despite the fact that Parker is only half-famous (his mother is a producer who is Aiken’s “best friend”), the birth was announced nearly immediately by People. This is likely because Clay Aiken is such a huge celebrity that the commonality of the womb of origin is practically canceled out. Also, it has been intimated that Foster was merely a vessel; Clay did not actually have sex with her, and though they will “raise the child together,” according to reports, rumor has it that Clay is already working on a twangy country version of Will Smith’s “Just the Two of Us.”