‘Times’ Copy Editor Suspended for Allegations of Weirdness

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Charles Cretella thought he was being nice to his new co-worker on the copy desk at the Times. He’d let him use his personal coffee machine. He’d given him a jacket and allowed him unfettered access to the gummy bears and candy corn in his personal candy dish. He’d decided not to report the fact that the employee was feeling himself, you know, down there, in his cubicle, even though it did seem to be interfering with his work. “Pardon the expression, we all get an itch, but it was going on for a 20-minute period,” he confided to the Post today, ostensibly because the Times itself doesn’t address stories with a “down there” component. Instead, Cretella offered to train the new employee at his home, where it would perhaps be easier for him to concentrate. He even put a sign on his computer that read, “Can’t get enough of lil’ bro,” so great was his enthusiasm for the new hire. To Cretella, this didn’t seem creepy at all. So imagine his surprise when the youngster decided to report him for sexual harassment, not only causing him to be suspended for two weeks but putting in jeopardy the promotion he’d been waiting for 40 years. Yes! You see, Cretella has been part-time at the paper since 1968, and he was convinced that this would be the year the paper would put him on staff. “After all these years of being loyal, I deserved it,” he said. But no! Instead, he’s filed a suit against the Times. If that doesn’t work out, we guess he’ll have to wait until next year for a promotion. Or the year after that. Or…

Worst of Times Unveiled In Lawsuit [NYDN]