Job: “Bald Musician,” blogger, stealth slut extraordinaire
Neighborhood: Lower East Side
Who’s your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional?
A toss-up between Jacob Riis and Woody Allen. Or Marcel Duchamp. Can I pick all three? Okay, all three.
What’s the best meal you’ve eaten in New York?
The assorted Korean pancakes with spicy kimchee at Franchia, on Park Avenue at 34th Street.
In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
I make music in my studio and answer online Q&As.
Would you still live here on a $35,000 salary?
When I first moved back here (I was born on 148th Street, but grew up in Connecticut), I was making $10,000 a year and paying $150 a month in rent. That was only twenty years ago. I honestly don’t know if it would be possible to live in Manhattan (or even Brooklyn at this point) on $35,000 a year.
What’s the last thing you saw on Broadway?
A drunk tourist yelling at his girlfriend.
Do you give money to panhandlers?
What’s your drink?
Cheap beer from the deli.
How often do you prepare your own meals?
At least once a day. But wait, does microwaving an Amy’s burrito count as preparing a meal? I hope so.
What’s your favorite medication?
Xanax for long flights.
What’s hanging above your sofa?
A picture of Woody Allen.
How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
Sadly, you’re asking the wrong person.
Usually around 3 or 4 a.m.
Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
Old Times Square. Old Times Square was amazing, even if every time you went there you took your life in your hands. New Times Square is an impressive spectacle, but it’s lost its soul.
What do you think of Donald Trump?
I don’t know why he never smiles. Seems like one of the points of having a trillion dollars is to be happy and smile on occasion.
What do you hate most about living in New York?
The fact that interesting people can no longer afford to live in Manhattan.
Who is your mortal enemy?
That stupid cockroach in my bathroom who terrifies me when I go to pee in the middle of the night.
When’s the last time you drove a car?
It was in the nineties but I don’t exactly remember when.
Who should be the next president?
Times, Post, or Daily News?
None of the above. Although I do love the Metro section of the Times. It makes NYC seem like a little town.
Where do you go to be alone?
My roof. Although sometimes my neighbor’s dog climbs under the fence and hangs out with me. But that’s okay, he’s nice.
What makes someone a New Yorker?
The tendency to unintentionally confuse tourists with directions.