Updating Our ‘Gossip Guy’ Files

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Ed
Stuyvesant Town's new owners, Tishman Speyer, are facing a cash crunch. Photo: Getty Images

Bart Bass revealed in last night's episode of Gossip Girl that he kept a Lily Bass file, which is apparently full of proprietary information and naked pictures. Surely, Intel readers would not be surprised to learn that Intel has similar files on the likes of Penn Badgley, Ed Westwick, and Chace Crawford. (Because, duh, we couldn't marry them in a five-way polygamous multisex wedding under a rose-covered chuppa at the Palace without knowing everything about them, obvi.) To those files, we can now add the following information, from the Details cover story about the Gossip Guys.










Ed Westwick:

1. Got matching tattoos with a "buddy" (NOT A GAY ONE, RICHARD): He has HEARTBREAK HOTEL on his left pec, and 21G (21 grams, the supposed weight of the human soul) below his left shoulder.

2. Has a "not inconsiderable pelt" of chest hair.

Penn

Photo: Getty Images


Penn Badgley:

1. Has to shave his luscious chest hair because apparently higher-ups think it is "sexually threatening." Huh? We just want to bury our noses in it. Which we guess begs the question: threatening to whom?

2. Is awesomely self-aware. For example: "We all look way too old," he tells Details. "But if we looked the right ages, some of the scandalous shit we do on the show would be too much." Also there's a funny part where he smirks at Blake Lively for being egotistical. Which makes us wonder …

3. Is Penn maybe also kind of awesomely passive-aggressive? "It's like he was genetically bred to be a teen star," Penn tells the magazine of his co-star Chace Crawford. "It's like he's been crafted by Mattel," he told us previously. "He has like the teen idol genome." Is it just us, or is he kind of calling Chace a big dumb doll, destined for bloating and dating shows? Probably it is just us. Probably Chace does not think this comes across as vaguely insulting; he's like, "Heh. I'm pretty."


But meanwhile, behind his back, Penn and his friend Perez Hilton have come up with a hilarious term for what exactly it is about Chace's face …

Chace

Photo: Getty Images

Chace Crawford:

1. Is sweet but dumb. "Perez Hilton says I have 'gayface.' So on top of everything else, I have to overcome gayface." (Okay so yeah, that's not "new information," but it's still funny.)

The Gossip Boys [Details]