Week of Horrors Finally Over


Oy, what a week. Lehman Brothers went down, Merrill sold itself to Bank of America, the Fed bailed out A.I.G., and everything else tumbled after them like a house of cards, or a stack of carefully arranged beer cans if you’re looking at it from Dubya’s point of view. In the end, the government did exactly what we would have done and put it all on its credit card. How will that pan out? Probably that’ll be the same as us, too, and they’ll have to spend the next ten years or so avoiding increasingly threatening phone calls from overseas.

But for now, things are looking up! The Dow Jones is up 390 points, the S&P 500 49, the Nasdaq 73, Goldman Sachs is back on track (which is nice because it’s Lloyd Blankfein’s 54th birthday), and after being coldly rejected by that bitch Citigroup, Morgan Stanley is reportedly mulling a merger with Wachovia, and we have a hot shirtless pic of the Secretary of the Treasury. We’ll have to reckon with the dark side of all of these things next week, most likely. But for now, thus concludes Fucked-up Friday.

Earlier: Bloody Monday, Terrible Tuesday, Weird Wednesday, and Tumultuous Thursday