Look, David. We just want to start off by saying we think you’re great. You’ve got years of experience in both Republican and Democratic administrations, you provide reliably sharp and sober analysis, and we always look forward to watching you on election night on one of CNN’s hundred-pundit panels. That thing you said the other night about limiting expectations? Great stuff. So, it’s only out of love that we feel compelled to say this: It’s time to get rid of the comb-over.
Your masculine scalp is nothing to be ashamed of! We know it’s probably tough sitting next to John King, his gray tresses flowing like Poseidon riding atop a dolphin. But look at James Carville — he’s hairless as a newborn mole and he’s doing just fine.
See? U look totes hot. Photo Illustration: Getty Images
Maybe apprehension about the transition from comb-over to non–comb-over, and the glaring media spotlight that would follow, is what’s holding you back. But take the example of Rudy Giuliani. For years he sported one of the most famous comb-overs in America, but abruptly emerged in September 2002 bald and proud. A couple of news outlets took notice, printing lighthearted articles about Rudy’s transformation from moth to slightly more attractive moth. And then they quickly lost interest. David, if you think that in these extraordinary economic and political times people are going to care about a slight modification to your hairstyle, you’re wrong. We’re sorry we had to be the ones to tell you this, but we’ve spent too many post-election nights more entranced by your hair than your sage opinions. It’s time, David; get rid of the comb-over.