Meryl Streep’s 22-year-old daughter Grace (not Mamie!) Gummer will be in a grisly, sexual play in the East Village. Celerie Kemble, Cynthia Rowley, Moby, and Simon Hammerstein partied decadently at the Spiegeltent for Celerie’s birthday while the economy crumbled all around them. Anna Wintour>’s new crush is RocknRolla star Gerard Butler. Michael Phelps was mobbed and tummy-rubbed by hot girls at Bowlmor Lanes, though he was there with secret girlfriend, Miss California runner-up Nicole Johnson.
Amy Ryan used to deliver the Daily News in Queens. Ex-cop lawyer Pete Gleason, who invented a board game mocking the incompetence of rebuilding after 9/11, is running for City Council. As Wall Street declines, sex addiction is on the rise, and Susan Cheever has been there. Republican ex-senator Al D’Amato’s throwing a fund-raiser for the 2010 run of Democratic cuddle-guv David Paterson. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg ate alone at Nello’s and didn’t even poke Brazilian model Ana Beatriz Barros sitting nearby.
Jon Stewart said that Sarah Palin is like Jodie Foster in Nell. Jamie Lynn Spears has no plans to marry the father of her child, but she may be pregnant by him again. Paris Hilton will wear only Calvin Klein and Donna Karan when she’s president, and also wants Sarah Palin to show more bod. Posh Spice’s heels get stuck in the mud at her son’s soccer games and the other soccer moms wish she’d wear more sensible shoes.
Eva Longoria wore a big new fifties hairdo and appears not to be pregnant after all. Carol Alt, nearly 48, will go naked for Playboy and will look great because she eats only raw foods. Russell Crowe, Robert Downey Jr., and Robert De Niro may star in a movie about the 1910 terrorist bombing of the Los Angeles Times. Today, newspapers don’t need terrorists in order to bomb.