Hedge-Fund Manager John Devaney Is Just Such a Dork

Our office vending machine. Photo: NYT

Hedge-fund manager John Devaney is one of those terrible dorks who is just begging to be bullied. If he were on Mad Men, he would be Pete Campbell, only less likable. Devaney’s United Capital was, for about five minutes, very successful. But he just couldn’t be cool about it. He ended up buying this helicopter and a yacht he named “Positive Carry,” which was queer, but no one said anything to his face about it because he has all the money. Then he stupidly lost $600 million dollars on asset-backed securities last year and had to sell said plane and said yacht. He couldn’t be cool about that, either. “I am bleeding, personally,” he told the Times. Which is why we’re not exactly surprised to hear that last week at the conference for the asset-backed securities industry in Miami, Devaney was heckled off the stage. Or that afterward, in an attempt to make amends, he invited everyone back to his mom’s yacht for drinks. Or that, even though Momma D wasn’t actually there to show everyone the Hummel figurine collection, the party still sucked, so much so that according to the Post, two investors who had lost a total of $1.5 million decided they were going to steal some of the art hanging on the walls in order to recoup their losses. Because, really, Devaney kind of deserves it. Unfortunately, said investors then realized they were drunk and wimped out. But not before, we hope, giving him an Atomic Wedgie and leaving him tied naked to the mast.

Devaney Booed OffStage [NYP]