Bill and Hillary Clinton are doing jack to help Obama get elected because O wouldn't guarantee Hillary a seat on the Supreme Court, people say, but Hill's people say that's baloney. Regis will host, and Ricky Gervais, Springsteen, and Whoopi will perform, at the Stand-Up For Heroes comedy benefit November 5 at Town Hall. Sex and the City movie hot-guy Gilles Marini may take off his shirt today in a benefit soccer game on the Lower East Side. Oil heir Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis's cousin, Nick Davis Raynes, will produce a biopic of Miles Davis based on a book by the jazz great's disinherited son, Gregory Davis. That item has every Davis in it but Bette!
Poor Lauren Conrad's clothes line is not selling at Bloomingdale's. Cindy Adams gloats that she told you way back in August that Bloomberg would seek a third term. You were right, Cindy, hats off to you. And today you also tell us that Law & Order is shooting a story on the crane collapse, marvel that there's a Museum of Farming in Queens (no kidding!?), and make a really bad cavewoman joke. Meanwhile, Liz Smith liked everything about Rachel Getting Married except for that goddamned music!
Paris Hilton and Benji Madden made out at Touch on West 52nd before his D.J. set, but when she left in the middle of the set, half the place left with her. Recently married ScarJo's never dated a non-Democrat. Trump's been buying a lot of land around the Beverly Hills Hotel. Producer Marty Richards just got $9 million from Miramax in a settlement over how much of the profits he should've gotten from the movie version of Chicago. A musical about seventies Deep Throat porn star Linda Lovelace opens in L.A. October 18. Carlos Santana says he still doesn't need Viagra. Whoever asked, thanks. Heather Locklear's going to AA.
Jessica Alba has another disturbing get-out-and-vote ad, this one with her in a Hannibal Lecter–type muzzle. (You "muzzle" yourself by not voting, GET IT??) Shia LaBeouf needed his eyebrow stitched after a prop accident on the set of Transformers. It was hard to fit the fake pierced nipples on Marisa Tomei for a movie where she plays a pierced, tattooed stripper. Melissa Etheridge will marry her longtime girlfriend in California. And Madonna's movie, Filth and Wisdom, the one she co-wrote and directed, now has a trailer. Will you watch it for us?