Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek at what your friends and neighbors are doing behind doors left slightly ajar. Today, the Former New Yorker, in Town for a Weeklong Booty Call: 27, female, straight, art director, single.
12:30 p.m.: Back! Flight from the Midwest lands. I’m planning on seeing three guys on this trip: the Ex-Boyfriend’s Friend (XBFF), the Art Director, and potentially the Love of My Life. It’s never the right time for a relationship for me, but I have a lot of these in-betweens. I met the Art Director a few months ago, but I was too heartbroken over the Love of My Life. And I felt fat. Every time I’m over the LOML and meet someone else, he’s into me again. I’ve been avoiding calling him.
3:30 p.m.: Can’t wait to see the XBFF. We always liked each other. Hoping we can maybe talk about a possible long-distance pseudo-relationship. I wish I were skinnier for this trip.
10:30 p.m.: Meet up with Gay BFF. Gab. We decide that his fantasy of sleeping with his co-worker is less about actually doing it and more about the fantasy and jerking off to it. Been there, done that. Worst mistake I’ve ever made besides moving out of NYC.
11 p.m.: I backtrack. It’s clear his intrigue in fucking his co-worker is twofold: He can keep it a secret at work, and he can be co-worker’s other man. Two taboos mean you’ve got to hit it.
3 a.m.: Platonic slumber party in bed with Gay BFF and Girl BFF. We’re tired.
10 a.m.: Wake up to 4 a.m. text from Love of My Life, “Are you awake?” You scream, I scream, we all scream: booty call!
11:30 p.m.: My friends are talking about the porn sites they bookmark because they are constantly horny. My bookmark’s a secret because I haven’t been comfortable sharing my masturbatory online research since my college years.
3 p.m.: Over late lunch with Gay BFF, I admit I don’t know if I’ll have time to see the Love of My Life since I’m going out of state to see XBFF tomorrow. We randomly discuss and agree that dating and fucking below your class is a waste of time.
6:16 p.m.: I miss NYC and all these beautiful people.
7 p.m.: Art Director texts me to see if I’m free tonight. Think about meeting up because I’m wearing a cute dress but instead take leftovers home to friend’s place where I’m staying. This traveling has diminished my libido.
1 a.m.: Watching movie that includes bouncing tits. Turns me on, but I can’t masturbate at my best friend’s place.
2 a.m.: Off to bed alone; friend is sleeping over at a guy’s place. This morning’s porn talk must have inspired her.
8:15 a.m.: Sleepy and pseudo-excited about rendezvous with XBFF, which will probably be the real-vacation part of my trip.
12:20 p.m.: On train with intellectual high-school boy doing his calculus homework. It’s so wrong and illegal for me to even think about being his Mrs. Robinson.
7:25 p.m.: At XBFF’s apartment. We are still so cool together. He thinks it’s kinda weird that we have something since he’s friends with my ex-BF. It was years ago. When is it the right time for these things?
2 a.m.: He’s been timid all day. Done watching movie on his couch. His head is on my lap, and he pulls me in to kiss. He straddles me and I blow him off. He finishes all over my chest.
2:30 a.m.: I need round two. We go doggy style. It’s so rough. He likes to pull my hair. We toss around as he pushes my head into the couch. I’m numb so I can’t cum. I tittie-fuck him, and he finishes all over my face. Quick shower and off to bed.
10:15 a.m.: Morning embrace. Off to brunch.
1:55 p.m.: I need to catch the next train back to NYC. We cuddle on the couch, proceeds to heavy necking, petting, and grinding.
2:10 p.m.: Bed or couch? Bed. Doggy style is his thing, several variations of this position. Hot and heavy, I move my hips as he’s on top. He’s so excited and orgasms, but I don’t.
2:50 p.m.: In bed, I’m disappointed that I didn’t orgasm. We talk about how great the sex was and that we had a “thing” when I dated his friend. Turns out he hasn’t slept with anyone in a long time, since me. I tell him he’s standoffish with his feelings; he agrees.
3:10 p.m.: My eyes tear because I know I am leaving, and I won’t see him for a while. But we both agree that we are just a small part in each other’s lives now. Even though we think we like each other. I joke with him that I’m going on dates tonight to finish what he started. If he’s jealous, it doesn’t show.
4 p.m.: Try calling the LOML because I need some tonight. I forgot after my drought how much I love sex. Dinner plans at 8 p.m.
6:15 p.m.: Texting with Gay BFF, asking the big question: “Am I in serious like with XBFF?” Rehash about how hot the sex was, excited about his timidness, but then his sexual aggression in bed. He hasn’t slept with anyone in years since me. I meet too many of these virginal thirtysomethings.
7 p.m.: I’m so confused about not orgasming. Do I have feelings for him and therefore I couldn’t?
8 p.m.: Dinner with Love of My Life; we talk and walk back to his apartment. He buys condoms, we lie on his bed, I massage his back, and we both pass out in our clothes. No sex.
10 a.m.: Wake up, shower together. There’s slight petting, but we’re both too tired and running late to do anything.
1 p.m.: Brunch with Girl BFF. I tell her that I tried to be slutty last night but failed. She says it’s gross that I tried to make a “cock-tail.”
9 p.m.: Sex confessions all exposed with my friends at an outdoor party. The question is, to fuck or not to fuck Love of My Life. It may not be morally right, but what is on vacation?
1 a.m.: See LOML at his place. Slight petting, but we just end up passing out again.
5 a.m.: I awake and try to get him excited, but he’s sleeping.
10:30 a.m.: I’m riding Love of my Life on top, sleepy sex. Then he wakes up and he’s on top now. He makes a bad joke that distracts me from orgasming. He does and we both agree it is underwhelming.
12:30 p.m.: Chatting and texting with Gay BFF. XBFF sessions were hotter than this morning; I guess our love history has affected our sex presence. We are creatures of comparison.
2:30 p.m.: Still chatting with Gay BFF, analyzing XBFF’s M.O. He must have intimacy issues, or my face must be so pretty that he likes to spray it every time. Is that the new “good-bye”?
11 p.m.: Off to late dinner with the Art Director. Not in the mood to slut it out. All I want is a good meal.
2 a.m.: We’re making out, he goes down on me. OMG, it’s so good. I’m riding him on top, and I orgasm! It’s been years since I’ve been able to do that while on top. Yeah, I got intimacy issues too. Then I’m on my back and it’s his turn. I check the condom wrapper, no joke; it reads “Magnum.”
5 a.m.: We sleep and he says that he thought I looked “sexual.” I remember when I first met him; even then I knew that he was going to be a great fuck. The foreplay lasted two hours.
12 p.m.: I’m leaving his apartment. Sex was so good. But he’s a player, I know — these kinds of guys always are because they are too good not to want to share their tricks.
3 p.m.: I do want to fall in love and be in a relationship. Recap to Gay BFF. He’s jealous and swears he’s going to trap a bear this weekend.
8 p.m.: Gay BFF refers to my vacation as straight-up porn. Got to be careful of my reputation, says Gay BFF. I know I should, but whatever.
9 p.m.: Totally getting excited about the Art Director. He hasn’t returned my text — God, this was such a one-night stand.
10 p.m.: Totally tingling just thinking about how fucking hot that session with AD was. We are so sexually compatible; I’ve only met two other guys that could do that to me.
12:30 a.m.: Ending my last night with LOML, just sleeping together. Sleep intimacy is what we have together, the kind where it’s so naturally wonderful and easy. No sex. This trip was just a one-week stand, an expensive booty call where my days and nights blended into one another as well did the guys.
Totals: Five acts of intercourse with three men (one one-night stand, one sleepy morning sex with Love of My Life, and two acts of rough doggy-style sex with XBFF) resulting in one orgasm; two acts of fellatio, one with ejaculation on face; one act of cunnilingus; one tittie fuck.