A-Rod Will Carve Madonna’s Bird

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Power summit. Photo: Getty Images

A-Rod's ex, Cynthia, told a friend that A-Rod is ditching their kids on Thanksgiving to have dinner with Madonna and her kids. He'll pass on your Tanakh but still carve your bird, Madonna. And if you're still perplexed by the complex dynamics that drove the Madonna-Guy breakup, which may in turn have driven the current global economic downturn, Liz Smith explains it all for you.

In the slim, negligible margin of non-Madonna news, earthy and accessible Martha Stewart still chills with her lady friends from prison. Bar Refaeli, who is Leo DiCaprio's model girlfriend and not a Soho trattoria, freaked out when a porter on a plane asked her to tip. The sons of Libyan heavy Muammar Qaddafi and big British Israel donor Lord Rothschild resolved the Middle East crisis for a night with the help of Brazilian and Russian babes at a Village party. Cindy Adams's column (about Billy Elliot director Stephen Daldry) is weirdly only one paragraph long, and we know the woman isn't that terse, so what gives? Bill Clinton donated a half-dozen bags of stuff to the Housing Works store on East 23rd Street. Stacey Bendet Eisner, daughter-in-law of Disney's Michael, induced labor on her new baby early so it wouldn't happen on Thanksgiving when no doctors were around. That's foresight!

Carrie Fisher's dad, Eddie, once was so sure she was an acidhead that he got known acidhead Cary Grant to counsel her against it, Carrie writes, but then they tripped together and shared a vision of Carrie Bradshaw. (Some parts bored speculation.) Boy George beat a Norwegian rent boy before handcuffing him to a bedroom wall, said the rent boy in court. Brandy says she didn't feel like it was okay to live after she was in a car crash that killed another woman, so she prayed every day. Paris Hilton was booed so loudly at a party that she didn't come onstage and left in tears, plus her new MTV show is tanking. Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital following a reaction to a medication.

Big-time pop composer David Foster says in his new memoir that Princess Di told him that Fergie had the rep for being the "bad one" in the royal family, but it actually was her. Yeah, Di, nice try. We hope you're being really bad in heaven. Finally, on a holiday note of Things to Be Thankful for, Ann Coulter broke her jaw and her mouth has been wired shut. Does anyone know the physics formula for making time stand still?