The Enquirer published a startling photo today of what they say is a picture of First Lady–also-ran Cindy McCain in a lip-lock with a “long-haired” dude who “resembles a washed-up ‘80s rock musician” at a Moody Blues concert two years ago. The Enquirer calls him a “mystery man,” but we know that slicked-back do as intimately as we know the platinum ponytail and the skinny shoulders it sits on. Cindy may be eating off his soul patch in the picture, but that is clearly none other than Billy Ray Cyrus. Why else would he invite Sasha and Malia on Hannah Montana if not to secretly smite the man whose septuagenarian wife broke his “achy breaky heart” so many years ago? See: The Enquirer’s not the only sleuth in the game.