Everyone who takes the bus in New York City knows that you have to have something to read, or a video game to play, in order to not go insane. Not because the people around you are crazy, or because it’s too crowded, or anything like that. It’s because if you are left with nothing to do, you will inevitably notice that outside the window, the same people are walking past your window at every stop. Pedestrians, you see, walk just as fast, if not faster, than plenty of city buses. And forget it if someone in a wheelchair gets on. Buses in New York are great; they’re clean, they’re effective, and they get you where the subway won’t take you. But they’re not for getting anywhere quickly.
An annual study of bus speeds and reliability by the Straphangers Campaign came out yesterday, and they handed their “Pokey” and “Schleppie” awards yesterday to the M96 and the M101/103 lines. The M96 moves at 3.7 mph, and the M101/103 is unreliable one out of four times. According to the geniuses at the Daily News, that means that the M96 moves more than twice as slowly as a swiftly moving chicken.
Okay, you heard it, crazies — the first person to start a poultry rickshaw business is going to fill an extremely lucrative market hole.