If the past few elections are any indication, November 4 might be a long night. But take a load off, Annie — there's nothing you can do now but pick up your politically themed drink of choice and hope somebody's happy (or sad) enough to go home with you and watch the "late-night talking heads." Here's where to imbibe, win or lose, with your fellow Americans:
BELOW 14TH STREET:
Party Like It's 1992 (when Bill Clinton beat George Bush Sr., and America cheered, always) at Professor Thom's, where a party co-hosted by Drinking Liberally and Booze & Yarn will offer up-to-the-minute poll results on several screens alongside a free knitting class on one floor to soothe your nerves (and booze your nerves!). Free! Begins at 8:30.
Comix is hosting an Election Night '08 Watch Party co-hosted by Planned Parenthood, with drinks, food, compulsive results coverage, and improv commentary. Free! Begins at 6:30, and ends when this election does. RSVP at comixny.com.
Sutra Lounge hosts Questlove of The Roots for a special election-night remix of their scenester-favorite Tuesday party.
For its election-night party, vegetarian hotspot Counter has concocted a drinks list including the "McCain Campaign on the Rocks," the "Palin Whine Spritzer," and the plum-flavored "Joe the Plumber." Free (though those wittily named drinks will cost you $12 each)!
On election night eve (tonight), Savoy is hosting a sit-down dinner with guests like The New York Times Magazine's Matt Bai, delicacies from various swing states, and wines more aged than McCain after this election. Liberal media elite? We don't know what you're talking about … Reservations are required; $110 per person. Begins at 6:30.
The Skinny will be screening the returns on their plasmas, and the bar's earnings benefit AIDS research. Begins at 7.
Le Poisson Rouge (158 Bleecker St., New York, NY, 10012; 212-796-0741) is hosting an Election Night Extravaganza for anyone eligible to vote, featuring the Obama Girls of Comedy (including VH1's Mindy Raf, Last Comic Standing's Goddess Perlman, and Comedy Central's Ophira Eisenberg), and the returns live on big screens. Free! Starts at 7.
The Lower East Side's China 1 is hosting an Obama Pajama Party, where guests can watch the returns on three big screens in the comfort of their nightgowns and boxers. A $3 cover benefits a New Orleans charity. Begins at 6:30.
Jason Horowitz's current exhibit at Gavin Brown's Enterprise, "Obama '08," is completed, as televisions screen returns from Fox News and CNN simultaneously, and chili, hot dogs, and beer are served. If Obama wins, a beautiful parade of balloons will shoot up! If McCain wins, they will slowly, sadly deflate, just like your hopes and dreams … Free! Begins at 7.
The Lower East Side's Blue Seats is hosting a bipartisan party, where reds and blues alike can imbibe in disharmony with $5 vodka specials as they watch the results on sixty TV screens. When it's all over, they might line up and high-five, mumbling "good game, good game…" Free! Begins in the afternoon.
Libation plans to pack in partygoers for a politically themed soiree featuring $5 "Obama Mamas" and "McCainiacs" to down during live election coverage. Free! Begins at 7.
Flavorpill NY is hosting a "democratically debaucherous" soiree at neighborhood bar Tom and Jerry's, with editors and anyone who wants to watching returns on a big screen. Free! Starts at 7.
Joe Six Packs and pigs in lipstick are gathering for an American-themed election-night party at Thom Bar, where $5 "Blue Baracks" and $10 "Red Mavericks" will be served, while a D.J. plays music when the returns get boring. Free! Starts at 7.
ABOVE 14TH STREET:
The New York Young Republicans, at this point, might be a bit afraid to step outside in this city, so they're holding their Election Night Party at the Women's National Republican Club Headquarters (3 W. 51st St., New York, NY, 10019; nyyrc.com). It's free for members, $35 for non-members … a fee that also gets you a membership. How bipartisan.
Southern Hospitality lives up to its name, encouraging both parties to show their support and watch the returns on the bar's fourteen screens, while imbibing $2 vodka shots. Free! Starts at 7.
The "liberal media elite" gather at their headquarters, TheTimesCenter (242 W. 41st St; thetimescenter.com) for Election Night Live, a discussion led by Times staff, including Frank Rich and and Jill Abramson, about this historic election. Tickets are $80 (heh!). Starts at 6.
The People's Improv Theater will host the Political Science Theater 3000 — a group of comedians, including VH1's Leslie Collins, cracking jokes about the live, screened returns. Free! Begins at 7.
Comedian Sean O'Connor is hosting the Election Night Shindig at Sound Fix, featuring big-screened election highlights on YouTube, drinking games, free PBR, and the thrill and suspense of the results. Free! Begins at 8.
The ever-cool Glasslands Gallery will offer free pizza and $5 beer and whiskey while a big screen projects the returns. Free! Begins at 8.
DUMBO's Galapagos Art Space is hosting the Obama-Fabulous Election Night Party, with "Yes We Can!-Can!" can-can dancers, a presidential kissing booth, and an inexplicable appearance by Santa Claus. If Obama wins, Galapagos will even kick-start the president-elect's economic plans with free Cosmos for everybody!!! Begins at six. $10 cover.