Ivanka Trump and Georgina Bloomberg Duel for Most-Deluded Title

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Announcing her deal to write a motivational book, Ivanka Trump actually had the blinding gall to say, "My father always impressed upon me the idea that America is a meritocracy and that you must work for everything you get." Which could only be topped by Mike Bloomberg's 25-year-old daughter Georgina, who owns nine horses and a BMW, saying, "I'm not rich, my father's rich. When I go shopping, that's my own money." In less gasket-blowingly deluded news, Cuddle-Guv Paterson, Hillary (in a headband!), and Chuck Schumer ended up doing a Borscht-Belt routine involving the TelePrompTer the other night at an RFK Center gala. A 9-year-old boy on the set of 30 Rock playing a little thug who mugs Tina Fey (ha-ha-ha!) was nearly killed when a cab mowed down the shoot. Herbert Hoover great-granddaughter and Fox News regular Margaret Hoover will marry former Giuliani speechwriter and Post op-ed contributor John Avlon. Ann Coulter will officiate in the splendid setting of the Cato Institute. (Some facts fabricated.)

Madonna apparently wore the green hairy dress not only to the Gucci event, but also to drinks with her first ex-hub, Sean Penn, at the Greenwich Hotel later on. Olga and Valentin Rei, the sibling duo who last year confessed in New York Magazine to being behind the now-defunct socialiterank.com, are starting a new celebrity-astrology Website called Astrocrack. Israel foreign minister Tzipi Livni had a temper tantrum when she was seated in biz-class instead of first on an El Al flight from Tel Aviv to Newark. Emma Thompson was in town to ask the mayor to help hold an art installation here to (we think) raise attention about sex trafficking. Cindy Adams kind of admits that the late Clive Barnes understood theater better than she does, showing humility. But then says that Ashley Dupré has "stubby piggy fingers, ugly nails, and a not-pretty face," reassuring us that she hasn't changed.

Lindsay and Sam are supposedly in couples therapy because Lindsay keeps flirting with her ex and other non-Sapphic men, and because they are starting to have actual physical fights. Rita Wilson's plan to drop $75,000 on a 1962 Beatles poster as a gift for her hub, Tom Hanks, has sadly fallen through, leaving us all feeling a bit empty and rudderless today. Al Pacino wanted Glenn Close to play the Scarface girlfriend that Michelle Pfeiffer played, but apparently she wasn't slutty enough.

Damien Fahey is going straight from the canceled TRL to Extra, which we would do, too, in this economy. Emily Blunt and John Krasinski are supposedly "quietly seeing" each other. And finally, in an incident of abuse that child-welfare officials musn't overlook, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have named their new son Bronx Mowgli, after a borough and the boy hero of The Jungle Book.