Supermodel Jessica Stam, whose face has an alien sheen, is dating the son of eighties pop guy Huey Lewis, who is facing jail time on pot-possession charges and for doing graffiti on West Fourth Street. So it’s complicated, with her all, like, “If this is it, please let me know,” and him just like, “I want a new drug that won’t hurt my head.” Britney Spears will have a circus-themed 27th-birthday bash at Tenjune on Tuesday to coincide with that day’s release of her new album, Circus. And also, she blames her little sons’ saying the F-word and misbehaving in preschool on their father, and recently had a date with a guy who was “an older version of Harry Potter, but skinnier.” Giants guys Reuben Droughns and Danny Ware and Jets guys Darrelle Revis and David Clowney have been going to the Murray Hill bar the Hill to watch Monday Night Football. Heath Ledger’s sad end will be ripped off in an upcoming Law & Order episode.
Madonna and Guy’s breakup is probably going to be hard on their three kids and may damage them, maybe especially the little one they purchased in Africa. Natalie Portman couldn’t play Amy Adams’s young-nun role in the new movie of Doubt because “she didn’t understand celibacy.”
Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal’s parents are both broken-up and broke. Baz Luhrmann shot many endings for Australia, including one where Nicole Kidman simultaneously becomes a boy-raping news anchorwoman and dies of TB while singing. Ashlee Simpson’s name was misspelled “Ashley” on the cover of OK!, meaning that a copyeditor will likely be the last new Gitmo prisoner before Obama comes into office.