Keith Olbermann: The McCain Campaign Bribed Pages in Order to ‘Shut Me Down’

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In Wasilla, 2004. Photo: Getty Images

Keith Olbermann's e-mail response to Time about the Saturday Night Live sketch in which Ben Affleck parodied him this past weekend is so patently Keith Olbermann that it almost seems like the SNL staff wrote it. He begins lightheartedly enough:

SNL and my Football Night In America show share adjoining studios, so upon my arrival yesterday, awaiting me was one of the cue cards from the bit, with Ben writing of the sketch: "Keith - Remember, a) I didn't write this; b) it took years of study - fondly, Ben."



Right, so we are duly informed that (a) Ben Affleck really hearts him actually, just so you know, in fact they are on a first-name basis, and (b) Keith is totally taking this whole thing in good humor because he is not as thin-skinned and paranoid as they made him out to be in that sketch OF COURSE.


Except then he ruins it by not being able to stop himself from going off the rails:

Honestly, everybody deserves a laugh but if on the weekend before the presidential election they spent more than seven seconds bothering with ME, the campaign staff has even less of a clue than I thought … Also, what's this "about time" jazz? Since spring they've been trying to cajole, sweet-talk, bully, threaten, blackmail, and bribe everybody at NBC from the pages to the presidents to get the milquetoast coverage they want - especially to shut me down.



And then some other stuff about Sarah Palin, but wait a second, what? Whoa. The McCain campaign has been bribing NBC pages in order to shut Keith Olbermann down? Why? Because they are that OBSESSED with him and his truth-speaking? That totally makes sense.



In fact, now that we think about it, they probably bribed SNL writers to write a sketch making Olbs look crazy and forced Ben Affleck to perform in it — think back, that note: Affleck said, "I didn't write this." Could they have blackmailed him by threatening to release on YouTube embarrassing outtakes from Gigli? Could McCain's subterfuge have gone so far that they penned THIS E-MAIL in order to discredit Olbermann by making him seem more paranoid? It ALL MAKES SENSE.



Er, except not. Also we think maybe Olbs should have a little spa time when the election's all over. And by "spa," we mean one of those places that's not really a spa.



Keith Olbermann on McCain Campaign Giddiness: They Have "Even Less of a Clue Than I Thought." [Time]