Madonna Is Sad

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See, if we weren't trying so hard to be nice, the caption for this picture would be, "Seriously??" Photo: Getty Images

Madonna is sad, she told the AP this Sunday. She is listless and depressed. It's not, as one might imagine, about the fact that she is 50 years old and spends most evenings wearing a metal leotard and gyrating in front of gay men on a tour called Sticky and Sweet. That is the one thing the multigagillionaire pop singer is happy about. "I feel very blessed and very lucky that I have the opportunity to do what I do in my professional life," she told the news service. It is her "personal life" that she is sad about, she said. And we know she's not just talking about her divorce. She's talking about betrayal. Your betrayal, Alexander Rodriguez, which the Post exposed today when they published the irrefutable report that you have been backing out of your private classes at the Kabbalah center. "Sources" say that you are "bored" with the religion and that your interest is waning. Is your interest in Madonna waning? she wonders. This, we know, is what is making Madonna sad. And until you recover your interest in the Tanakh, you can bet she will continue to be morose. Sadder than when she wrote "This Used to Be My Playground," or the dark period when she penned "Live to Tell." Sadder than "Rain." Why do you want to make Madonna this sad, Alexander Rodriguez?

A-ROD SKIPPING KABALLAH CLASSES: REPORT [NYP]