Lobbyists from all kinds of business groups have been clamoring for a piece of the bailout action, and no wonder. The Times today introduces us to the Treasury's liaison to the business community, hunky 32-year-old Jeb Mason, "a lanky Texan in black cowboy boots" whose job it is to assess businesses' candidacy. "Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of good news for them individually,” Mason told the Times in what we fully imagined to be a honeyed drawl. But ostensibly, the sight of Jeb's chiseled features and creamy skin go a long way toward the healing process. Also, those perfect white teeth. And his flaxen hair, rumpled from his cowboy hat, and the smell he (probably) emanates, of freshly cut hay and Old Spice — it causes a flush to steal across the cheeks of even the coolest blue-staters. Sure, Jeb's résumé includes working as an aide to Karl Rove and in the Defense Department and "distributing information on Operation Enduring Freedom to congressional offices," according to Wikpedia. But look at those eyes. Swoon. We'd have to recommend the Obama administration keep this guy on staff, because he is clearly an asset. It would be "reaching across the aisle," you know? We'll reach. Reach with our hands.
Most Viewed Stories
It’s Time to Start Liking Tom Cruise Again
Are You a Head Person or a Heart Person?
Sean Penn and Charlize Theron Are Living Out Your Worst Breakup Fears
Hunter Rebecca Francis Has a Thing or Two to Teach Us About the Wild
The 26-Year-Old Sleeping With Two of Her Neighbors
True Detective Recap: Sad and Lonely People
How National Lampoon Went From Making Jokes to Becoming One
Watch the Fantastic Four Cast Weather These Ignorant Interview Questions
Innocent Hitchhiking Robot Murdered by America
Forget Everything You’ve Heard: Having Babies Makes You Better at Work
Latest News on Daily IntelligencerJohn Oliver Is Pretty Sure No One Would Notice If the American Flag Had 51 Stars
Last Week Tonight thinks it's time to give D.C. some representation in Congress.Retailers Promise to Stop Selling Realistic Toy Guns in New York
A settlement means Walmart and Amazon can no longer sell toy guns that look dangerous.Donald Trump Is Making the Republican Party’s Florida Problem Worse
He is not going to win the Latino vote.After a Sweep of the Nationals, the Mets Are Tied for First
Last night may have been the most anticipated game in Citi Field history.Legionnaires’ Outbreak Kills 4, Sickens 67 Others in the South Bronx
The number is likely to rise in the coming days.Hillary Clinton’s First Campaign Ads Focus on Her Mom
She may be part of a political dynasty, but unlike some other candidates, her parents weren’t.Rolling Stone Finds New Managing Editor After ‘Conscious Uncoupling’ With Will Dana
Men's Journal editor Jason Fine.Hunter Rebecca Francis Has a Thing or Two to Teach Us About the Wild
In an age of social-media shaming, a single tweet can launch a crusade. But maybe Ricky Gervais should have picked another woman to mess with.Everyone Is Already Freaking Out Over the 2016 Election Polls
Poll data has become increasingly unreliable, yet campaigns will depend on it more than ever in 2016. Just ask the Republicans who won't be on that debate stage Thursday night.Second American Doctor Wanted for Killing a Lion in Zimbabwe
This time it's a gynecological oncologist from Pittsburgh.
It had successfully studied the interactions between robots and humans in Europe and Canada, until it got to Philadelphia, where somebody decapitated it.Obama Finalizes Sweeping Climate-Change Plan
The new rules call for even higher cuts to greenhouse gas emissions and are designed to push and reward the adoption of renewable energy sources.The Draft Joe Biden Effort Rides On, Despite No Signal From the VP
Armed with bumper stickers and a cardboard cutout, one small super-PAC is hoping to nudge the VP into the race.Report: Biden Actively Exploring a Presidential Run
According to the Times, his associates have been calling potential supporters and donors.Bin Laden Family Members Killed in Mysterious Plane Crash
The Al Qaeda leader's stepmother, half-sister, and brother-in-law died when their private jet crashed in Britain on Friday afternoon.It’s Really, Really Hot in Iran
The heat index in the southern city of Bandar-e Mahshahr reached 165 degrees on Saturday.D.A.R.E. Published an Op-Ed Calling for Marijuana Legalization [Updated]
The organization now says the article was posted by mistake and that they have not changed their stance opposing the drug.Hillary Clinton Emails Staffer to Ask for Book Subtitled Why People Email So Badly and How to Do It Better
The State Department releases another batch of Hillary Clinton's emails.The Mets Acquire Outfielder Yoenis Cespedes at the Trade Deadline, Bolster Their Pitiful Offense
The move signals they're serious about making the postseason.Let’s Remember the Former Georgia Congressman Who Killed and Ate a Lion
Paul Broun did a bad thing.