Well Hellooo, Mr. Treasury Man

By
Jeb Mason, national treasure. Photo: Jamie Rose/The New York Times/Redux

Lobbyists from all kinds of business groups have been clamoring for a piece of the bailout action, and no wonder. The Times today introduces us to the Treasury's liaison to the business community, hunky 32-year-old Jeb Mason, "a lanky Texan in black cowboy boots" whose job it is to assess businesses' candidacy. "Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of good news for them individually,” Mason told the Times in what we fully imagined to be a honeyed drawl. But ostensibly, the sight of Jeb's chiseled features and creamy skin go a long way toward the healing process. Also, those perfect white teeth. And his flaxen hair, rumpled from his cowboy hat, and the smell he (probably) emanates, of freshly cut hay and Old Spice — it causes a flush to steal across the cheeks of even the coolest blue-staters. Sure, Jeb's résumé includes working as an aide to Karl Rove and in the Defense Department and "distributing information on Operation Enduring Freedom to congressional offices," according to Wikpedia. But look at those eyes. Swoon. We'd have to recommend the Obama administration keep this guy on staff, because he is clearly an asset. It would be "reaching across the aisle," you know? We'll reach. Reach with our hands.