Starting on a seasonal note, the Daily News has an awesome "Stars of David" Hanukkah guide to stars you may not know are Jewish (Shia Labeouf! Keri Russell! James Franco! Half of both ScarJo and Jennifer Connelly!), complete with awesomely cheesy captions ("Maroon 5's Adam Levine is no stranger to 'I have a little dreidl'"). Moving on to matters gentile, Robert De Niro and his family went to see White Christmas on Broadway, and at the finale, De Niro stood up and declaimed, "One of these days a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the street." (Well, no, we just wish he had.) Jeremy Piven is reportedly not too sick from mercury poisoning (which not everyone believes was a lie) to make cute flirty quips about Ari Gold while working out at the Soho Equinox. Caroline Kennedy breakfasted with union heavies, presumably as part of her NY Senate bid.
Bruce Springsteen and his spawn shopped at Barneys, where Mary-Kate Olsen raved in the elevator like a mad hatter about the recession-induced sales. Big Madoff loser Walter Noel's wife Monica says it's not fair to say the family was rich; after all, they lived in a "cottage" in Greenwich and all the daughters went to public school. Real Housewife of New York Alex McCord and her hub will write a parenting book focusing on populist basics like getting a passport for an infant. Cindy Adams is a houseguest in London, where everyone's talking about Madoff and where she's behaving like a cranky Yankee version of Maggie Smith in Gosford Park. Speaking of cranky, Liz Smith clucks at the jeans-wearers on line at the TKTS booth. You grumbling old dames, we're gonna take away your toast points. Also, Broadway ad baroness Nancy Coyne is backpedaling hard about her nuclear New Yorkers–hate–Cleveland–tourists remark in the Times. Scott Sartiano is not stopping $1500-per-sixtop bottle service at Butter or 1Oak despite the recession. Liza Minnelli, performing at the Palace, can feel the ghosts there every night, including Momma's.
Beyoncé is finally distancing herself from pushy mom Tina who makes the bad clothes. John Mayer makes Jennifer Aniston leave her dogs behind in L.A. while they're in New York. Sam Ronson's D.J. fees have jumped from around $1,500 to $25,000 because now there's a high chance Lindsay will show up with her, but the two are still bickering about everything. Brad Pitt would get hung up on, believed to be a joke caller, every time he called a small DVD store in Budapest to try to buy Angelina the complete works of cult director Bela Tarr. Lisa Rinna will do a Playboy spread, posing peek-a-boo style from behind her lips.
Britney had a facial made from abused plants. Russell Crowe wants to get Ridley Scott fired as director of their latest film together, Nottingham, in which Robin Hood's nemesis, the sheriff, is actually noble and brave. Postmodern! Original View dim-bulb Debbie Matenopolous wants to do a reality show called Debbie Does…. Michael Jackson has a rare lung condition, emphysema, and chronic GI bleeding, says biographer Ian Halperin. Demi-Jewess Scarlett Johansson's used snotrag is up to $4,050 in a charity auction.