Proving that he is cuddly even on a holiday trip to Iraq, Cuddle Guv Paterson took 150 Yankee caps with him while visiting U.S. troops, courtesy of George Steinbrenner. Awwww, Guv, we'd trade all those caps for one really good, long, cuddly Christmas hug from you. Grinchy Cindy Adams kicks off today with "Ho Ho, Jingle Bells and a special hi to whoever that stupid partridge is in that dumb pear tree," then launches into boring celeb Christmas anecdotes. Cin, what if it were a Yorkie in a pear tree — would you be so disparaging? Meanwhile, Queen of Who-Ville Liz Smith thanks all the moguls out there for holiday charitable donations made in her name and complains about all the depressing holiday movies. And magic-stunt-guy David Blaine gave the coat off his back for the New York Cares coat drive in Bryant Park yesterday, then stayed there and collected coats for the drive and autographed playing cards. Then he suspended himself in a freezing block of cryptic self-regard for 72 hours. (Just kidding, Dave, it's really cool you did this!)
An El Al crew made a funny Christmas vs. Hanukkah joke over the intercom when it landed in Israel. Eliot Spitzer told a fellow theatergoer who couldn't believe he dared to be out in public that All My Sons "may be the best show I've ever seen." Mort Zuckerman's lady just gave birth to their second daughter. Big-time Broadway producer Stewart F. Lane helped facilitate the extramarital affair of some rich finance-type friends you've probably never heard of. (Snooze.) Dallas Maverick Jason Kidd and Milwaukee Buck Richard Jefferson, in town to play the Nets and Knicks, respectively, ate together at Delicatessen on Prince Street, then invited us back to their hotel to shoot hoop in jockstraps and Santa hats. Well, no, that's just our yuletide fantasy because those mofos are hot. Britney bought matching PJs for Jayden James and Sean Preston in Glendale, Long Island. That's kinda sweet, right? Merry Christmas, Britney, we've been feeling very loving of you lately and glad you're part of the American landscape, so take care of yourself in 2009!
Shia LaBeouf's hand injury from the car accident that got him a DUI citation is more serious than first thought but also conveniently was written into his role in Transformers 2. Sam Mendes had a hard time directing his wife, Kate Winslet, in sex scenes with Leo DiCaprio in Revolutionary Road. (But what if he really loved it?) Oprah will stay in D.C. during theiInauguration at the Four Seasons' $15,000-a-night Royal Suite, out of which her crack team will strategize ways to pull media focus from the First Family, even though they're not going to her inaugural bash. Paris Hilton, model Erin Wasson, and a big-time publicist all had their L.A. homes robbed after leaving the front doors unlocked, and the publicist and Wasson were home when it happened. Billionaire Jeffrey Epstein is now free five days a week in a work-release program, striking fear into the hearts of all young-looking Palm Beach call girls. Former Village People guy Randy Jones will play a tough bouncer on Flight of the Conchords. Guy Ritchie has been doing post-Madonna holidays things with heiress Jemima Khan. Kirsten Dunst got a restraining order against a stalker-type guy who trespassed at her home. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have both been photographed recently without wearing their wedding rings, and are also selling their $8.5 mil Bel Air estate, showing that not even the very artistically talented are immune to rumors of marital woes. Happy holidays, you beautiful people who read Gossipmonger right to the end. You are the real Christmas miracles!