Andrew Trees Loves Champagne, But Fears That Makes Him Sound Foppish

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The DABA girls.
The DABA girls. Photo: Heesun Choi

Name: Andrew Trees
Age: 40
Occupation: Author, Academy X and the new Decoding Love: Why It Takes Twelve Frogs to Find a Prince, and Other Revelations From the Science of Attraction
Neighborhood: Hell’s Kitchen

Who's your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional?
Early Woody Allen (pre-Soon-Yi).

What's the best meal you've eaten in New York?
My best friend used to be a professional chef. One time, he invited me to an incredible seven-course dinner with wine pairings.

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
During the past year, I spent my days researching the frequently bizarre nature of human attraction for my book.

Would you still live here on a $35,000 salary?
Why? Are you offering me a raise?

What's the last thing you saw on Broadway?
Speed-the-Plow, but I came away with mercury poisoning.

Do you give money to panhandlers?
I give them copies of my book. It’s great street advertising.

What's your drink?
I love Champagne, although I fear that makes me sound somewhat foppish.

How often do you prepare your own meals?
How far back should I go?

What's your favorite medication?
As Homer Simpson said, “Sweet liquor eases the pain.”

What's hanging above your sofa?
I can see a sliver of the Hudson River in the distance.

How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
My mother won’t accept any payment.

When's bedtime?
I have a newborn, so I’ve given up on bedtime and survive entirely on short naps.

Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
The new because the Times building is such a great jungle gym.

What do you think of Donald Trump?
His hair is the most interesting sculpture in the city.

What do you hate most about living in New York?
The loss of f$@^*&# civility!

Who is your mortal enemy?
It’s hard to pick just one.

When's the last time you drove a car?
I have a driver.

How has the economic downturn affected your life?
My wife has cut my allowance.

Times, Post, or Daily News?
I’m married to the Times. I date the Daily News. And I enjoy secret trysts with the Post.

Where do you go to be alone?
A crowded city street.

What makes someone a New Yorker?
If you can curse in at least three languages, you’re on your way.