Peter Cook says his ex-wife, Christie Brinkley, withheld the passport that their 13-year-old son, Jack, needed for a Ross School jaunt to Egypt. Christie, let’s hope it’s not true you’re in such a power play over your kids that you would deny them that kind of very basic field trip that all kids in America usually enjoy. Bernard Madoff was at the U.S. courthouse the other day when a security guard cracked about someone’s left-behind penny: “Bernie will take it.” Those guards have a lot of time to stand there and think up witticisms! Ex–Lehman head Dick Fuld and his wife, Kathy, had to be shown by their driver how to use the JetBlue self-check-in kiosk at Palm Beach airport en route to New York. Eli Manning’s wife gave him a special lap dance at Tenjune for his 28th birthday. So? If more people got lap dances from their spouses, there’d be less trouble in the world, and probably less hunger, too.
OMFG, you guys, Nicole Richie is in talks to be in the Gossip Girl finale. Character ideas, anyone? Anne Hathaway was embarrassed at the Bride Wars premiere that her parents told Cindy Adams what great sex they still had, but Anne said she almost couldn’t enjoy the night because she was devastated at “what’s happening to Israel.” Yeah, well, we heard that Anne drove her co-star Kate Hudson crazy with her sycophantic, please-like-me seventh-grade social ambitions, even though they both say they get along great and text all the time. Anyway, Cin also has lots of great details about O-Man’s upcoming inaugural.
Patrick Swayze says he’s been going through hell with his pancreatic cancer but he’s fighting it, like working twelve-hour days taping a new TV show. You, go, Patrick, you gave us Dirty Dancing and Ghost amid the darkest of the Reagan and Poppy Bush years, so we’re rooting for you. Virgin founder Richard Branson’s doctor daughter Holly helped save the life of a woman having a heart attack while flying to Branson’s private Caribbean island for a New Year’s bash. That’s hospitality! Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner had their second baby girl. Good for them. They seem like a nice, normal couple who aren’t into weird stuff. O.J. Simpson lost 25 pounds eating a mystery meat in prison. O.J., that’s your conscience they were serving you! MTV is doing a documentary on women who don’t like their boobs.
Chuck Schumer was hospitalized last Friday for hernia surgery but was back to work yesterday. Lindsay Lohan is getting acting tips from Warren Beatty. Frisky old devil Sumner Redstone is not only divorcing his wife but running around with his ex-girlfriend. Finally, Brad Pitt says that wife Angie isn’t a home-wrecker, that they weren’t having an insidious affair while he was still married to Jen, and that he and Jen still “check in with each other.” Brad, you’re acting as though the media has given you grief and scrutiny over the whole thing. Don’t be so paranoid; nobody was watching. We have our own lives to live.