Ellen Barkin to Make HBO Magic from Real-Life Pain

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Ellen Barkin may do an HBO series that's based on her real life being a cougar with lots of money from her divorce from Ron Perelman. Guy Ritchie and Jude Law hung out at Soho House with two babes, and Guy "didn't look distressed about Madonna at all," because celebs' public affects always accurately reflect their inner hearts. Caroline Kennedy paid up six years, or $1,000, in overdue New York State bar fees right before she announced her Senate bid. The young woman who helped her boyfriend run the hooker business patronized by Eliot Spitzer got six months in jail. Former public advocate Mark Green may want to re-run for that job as a stepping-stone to trying for mayor again, but friends are telling him not to. Rudy Giuliani's son Andrew, whose hairdo is mighty interesting, will play miniature golf tonight in Westchester for a leukemia/lymphoma benefit. Juliette Lewis craved a Guinness at Bar 44 but it wasn't on the menu, so staffers ran to the deli to get her some. That is what fame is all about. Erica Jong basically says John Updike had a more full life than Philip Roth because Updike had kids but Roth had ... fear of siring.

Cindy Adams says that a top sitting federal judge says Madoff should really be in jail rather than house arrest, but that he'll probably never end up there because he has the money for endless appeals. Cindy also says that Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said it was wrong that the videotaping of a five-person gay orgy in Europe was legally protected under privacy rights. And Cindy adds that everyone's favorite celeb photographer, Patrick McMullan, will have a cameo on Gossip Girl.

Evan Rachel Wood says it's not true that she made out with Mickey Rourke at the SAG Awards, and she's upset that he and the press would even nurture such a story. One of John McCain's former press reps says the campaign felt that The New Yorker writing about how Sarah Palin was selected was the equivalent of Jane Goodall going into the jungle and writing about apes mating. Ha-ha, think about it, bro: Who's that insulting, The New Yorker or Palin and Co.? Eliza Dushku has earned the wrath of PETA for saying on Jimmy Kimmel Live that she hunts, then eats, deer and elk — a gossip item especially notable for the Post's use of the word "ungulate" in the headline. Kat Deluna loves the gays "because they're happy, fabulous and like to have fun." Yep, Kat, that's the gays in a nutshell, no more and no less — you called it!

Models Bar Refaeli and Chanel Iman may co-host a revival of MTV's hot nineties fashion show House of Style. The News actually thinks that a lot of celeb moms like Sarah Jessica Parker and Naomi Watts would have the gall to lie about not having to work out to get back their pre-baby bodies. Come on, guys, these gals confide in you, why would they lie? Faye Dunaway is reportedly appalled that Hilary Duff will play her old part of Bonnie in a remake of Bonnie and Clyde. Dustin Hoffman says that marriage is unnatural and that it changes people. Brooke Shields says that the stage manager who stole from Lipstick Jungle's fashion closet also stole her wallet right out of her purse in her dressing room. Lily Allen says she'd like to be a nun so gossips would have nothing to write about. Oh, no, Lily. It would still somehow be all about you.