Georgina Sparks to Rise Again!

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"First, I'll cut through that barbed wire with my teeth..."
Photo: Courtesy the CW

Oh Gooooooooood. Is it just us, or is today going by excruciatingly slowly? Normally we feel like time goes too fast, since with every second that passes we get closer to the senior center (or at least the Thai plastic-surgery clinic). But today is just agony. Not just because it's the first "real" day back at work but because tonight, at last, the long dry spell between episodes of Gossip Girl comes to an end.

To recap: The last episode was a rich, moving, lyrical vignette that explored the meanings of life and death and family and love and friendship and fantastic fucking hair that ended in a question, the answer to which we could only speculate on.

As if we could be any more excited about tonight's episode, there's more stunning news.

TV nymph Michael Ausiello reports that cunning temptress Georgina Sparks has escaped the School for Heinous Coke-Faced Bitches in Dubuque, Iowa, or whatever, either through strangling each and every one of the massive lesbian pit bulls guarding the entrance and blowing a sequence of truck drivers in exchange for a ride home or, you know, convincingly faking adherence to the Twelve Steps. We're not sure which one. In any case, she'll resurface "toward the end of the season," Ausiello says. Serena and Dan, guard thy tender love!

'Gossip Girl' exclusive: Michelle Trachtenberg to Return [EW]