Long Island lawyer Steven Klig thought he had all the moves: Even though he’d broken up with his ex-girlfriend, he still thought he could squeeze some fun out of her by blackmailing her into e-mailing him dirty pictures. He threatened to spread videos of the two of them having sex (tapes he didn’t actually have) if she wouldn’t supply some new sexy images, according to the Post. The girlfriend, however, thought maybe the police would have more fun playing that ol’ game than she would, so she got an investigator to get in touch and pretend to be his victim. (You know, like To Catch a Predator except for with a blackmailer instead of a perv. Sometimes it’s easier just to outsource this stuff.) Klig then politely requested the following photos: “(1) fully clothed; (2) without [her] shirt; (3) without [her] shirt and pants (in just a bra and panties); (4) without the bra and (5) fully nude.” That was enough to get him busted, scorch his name publicly, and get him suspended from his law firm.
In an even more straightforward bust from the Post crime blotter, a mugger and two friends robbed a young man on the Upper West Side as he was exiting a store. The victim couldn’t manage to fight the guys off since he was outnumbered, but he did rip the shirt off of one of them, 16-year-old Argenis Perez. Since it’s winter, and since it was the UWS, it wasn’t so hard for the police to track the dude down and arrest him.
So, today’s lessons: Shirtless crime doesn’t pay, and when getting mugged, go for the buttons. Even if the police don’t catch your mugger because of his new wardrobe, nipple icicles are sure to provide some sort of consolation punishment.