The Department of Health is out with its fascinating zipcode-by-zipcode breakdown of various health and lifestyle indicators. Some of the findings are annoyingly (the number of Upper East Siders who work out five to seven times a week is far higher than the city average) and troublingly (twice as many folks living in the Morrisania section of the Bronx have diabetes than the citywide average) unsurprising. (Though we were pleased to note that the hipster-riddled Lower East Side is shockingly average in nearly every way.) The syphilis rate is about eight times higher in Chelsea than citywide, and binge drinking in Park Slope is somewhat higher than Gotham’s average. Now what if Chelsea and Park Slope could trade places for a day, Freaky Friday–style? Crunchy moms swapping the syph? Now that just doesn’t sound right. And gel-haired B&T gays shrieking along to Lady Gaga on vodka-cran tears — that’d be … oh, well, that’d just be Chelsea.