Last night, in a small, private ceremony at a Catholic church in Santa Monica, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady wed Victoria's Secret supermodel Gisele Bündchen just before 6 p.m. Until this moment, the two of them were among the most desirable unwed human beings in the country; that honor is now held by actors Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, and singer Kris Allen from American Idol. Now they're both just another married person who probably pees while their spouse is in the shower.
Seriously, though, let's ponder this Über-couple and the tremendous physical gifts and material wealth that God bestowed upon them. Their bodies are perfection, they only have to work a few months out of the year, their sex life is probably stupendous, and the real estate — oh, the real estate. On the first day of their wedded bliss, we have but one wish for them: That they have absolutely nothing to talk about. Ching ching!