The Green Room at the Oscars, the notoriously only fun place to be during the ceremony, will be dry this year. Victoria Beckham dissed Giorgio Armani by gushing over Marc Jacobs at a party for the Italian fashion designer. Claire Danes was nice to a plebeian for the first time in recorded history, tipping a harried bartender at a Carine Roitfeld party at Indochine. But then “Gatecrasher” spies overheard her making fun of Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling, and the world was right again. Kate Winslet told Time that after The Reader, she’ll never go nude again. Someone get her a pair of jean shorts. Hilary Swank steals hotel shampoos.
Daniel Day-Lewis lied and said he’d deign to do reality television. We finally have proof that Scottish people like the gays more than Irish people — Alan Cumming will be the grand marshal of the Tartan Day parade. Meanwhile, a gay couldn’t stop himself from hitting on Ricky Martin, but he only called him by “Martin!” That’s what you get for having two first names, dude. Mickey Rourke might be dating David Blaine’s sloppy seconds. We find that fitting. David Arquette has a deviated septum, which is like the perfect excuse to fix that schnoz. Intel friend and Real Housewives funnylady Bethenny Frankel used a coupon for a blowout. Tom Hanks watched his son Colin in 33 Variations on Broadway.
Anna Faris, the funniest sexy girl since Jenny McCarthy (oh, please, you used to watch Singled Out), won “Best Butt” from MrSkin.com. Anna Wintour told Justin Timberlake to do a duet with Katy Perry, which he now has to do because he has a fashion line, and therefore she has alien mind-control over him. Lindsay Lohan will release a self-tanning line. Duh. Malin Ackerman, star of the upcoming Watchmen, loves to sleep with drummers. Al Roker thinks Matt Lauer is a “sweet piece of man candy.” Cindy Adams, through oblique references to blood tests and licenses, seems to imply that Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are set to legally wed.