imaginary conversations

Citigroup and Federal Government Have Horrible, Tumultuous Relationship

From this morning’s Wall Street Journal: “In a recent phone call with a senior government official, Citigroup Inc. Chief Executive Officer Vikram Pandit revealed who’s on top in the new world of American finance. ‘Don’t give up on us,’ Mr. Pandit said, pleading with the official not to push out top management. ‘Give us a chance to execute.’” Daily Intel has obtained a transcript of the rest of that call.

Geithner*: [Silence]
Pandit [Audible snuffling sounds]: You still there?
Geithner: Yeah, I’m still here.
Pandit: I hate it when we fight.

Geithner: Well, if you weren’t out there flashing your private jet around, then we wouldn’t have a problem.
Pandit: I know. I’m trying to be better. I told everyone they couldn’t take their top clients on ski trips in the Rocky Mountains this year, and I canceled the after-parties we usually hold at the Inter-American Development Bank in Colombia, so if the guys want to get coked up, they’ll have to do it on their own dime. And I canceled our trip to the private-investor conference in Miami for April, even though I already put down the deposit for hundreds of hotel rooms.
Geithner: [Raising voice] But the point is, why were you doing that stuff to begin with? You saw what happened when AIG execs went to that spa!
Pandit: I guess I just wasn’t thinking. Please don’t be mad.
Geithner: [Silence]
Pandit: Am I too fat? I’ll stop eating the fresh-baked cookies at the retreats, too.
Geithner: [Exasperated sigh] I just don’t know what to do with you.
Pandit: I’ll let you do it from behind.

Citigroup Chafes Under U.S. Overseers [WSJ]

Citigroup and Federal Government Have Horrible, Tumultuous Relationship