Gossip Girl Makes Us Seek Comfort in Pints of Häagen-Dazs

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Photo: CW

It's time for our weekly comment roundup, in which we sift through the hundreds of comments left on Tuesday's recap of Gossip Girl and single out the best ones. On this special, post-hiatus week, a very special commenter emeritus is doing the judging: Comfortably Smug. Behold his labors after the jump.

They say absence is to love what the wind is to fire. When it’s a small fire, the wind kills it, but when it’s a real fire, it intensifies it. Fans of Gossip Girl are questioning their love for the show more than ever after its return from a brief hiatus. This week, we were frustrated by too many story lines (particularly the Chuck/Elle line) and not enough of the juicy bits that got us enamored so long ago. We hope for a return to salacious frivolity next week, but in the meantime, let’s take a look back at the best of your comments.

Realer Than a Spoiled, Narcissistic Rich Boy Falling for the Wrong Whore

• +2 Serena would call Vanessa her friend when she is mad at Blair. She is slow like that. —By MissChristyPoo

• Plus 10 for B and Carter hooking up next week. Even in those two minutes, their chemistry is unmistakeable - it's so obvious their sex life in real life is incredible. [Ed: Ew.] Give Leighton an Emmy already! — By WriteFashionista

• +3 for all the high schoolers sounding British during a play set in NYC. —By PurpleandGreen

• Chris & Jessica: Everything Dan did in reference to seducing Rachel (including the hand-written note, exchange of key, even the dialogue) was a direct reference to how the Newland Archer character from the film of 'The Age of Innocence' seduces Ellen Olenska. Watch it, and you will see why they didn't simply text, why the key was necessary, etc. I think Dan was supposed to be using his character as an inspiration for a love affair that could never happen. From that perspective, it wasn't half bad (though maybe still 'unrealistic'). —By cleavage_rhomboid

• plus 5 for elle's hair extensions showing through her thin, straggly, overly blow dried and processed hair. Because all high class prosties have them.—By reaganbreinholt

• +5 for the peonies on the coffee tables of both Chuck and Blair. An excellent subconscious clue that they still have feelings for each other! —By cheladina

• Nate jumps to conclusions and is completely unreasonable with Vanessa but of course V is the one who shows up at his place with peace offerings. Plus 2 because V is a glorified rebound who is pathetically in love with N for no reason, and thus she has to work that hard to keep him.—By BetaBlair

• +1 for Dan's line about him and Rachel in the costume closet. Because he is Dan Humphrey, he acts like this is a selfless gesture. But also because he is Dan Humphrey, he will take any chance he gets to tell someone he had sex. — By Louboutin429

• Re: the comment about Penelope hedging her bets, I don't think her dad works in finance. There was a mention of her fooling around with the associates or partners or something in her dad's firm during the episode where Jenny and Nelly Yuki teamed up against the girls, which definitely makes me think he's a lawyer. Izzy's dad is the one who works in finance, who Serena mentioned them calling during econ class. —By EmmyLoser

Faker Than a High-school Girl Letting Her Father Rifle Through Her Things

• C Smug MIA and a Chuck plot so stupid I'm tempted to put my fingers and my ears and sing so that I'm not assaulted by its cheesy, pointless waste = sucky, sucky Monday —Thanks Gossip Girl By sanger

• -5 Constance would never let a random homeschooler run around their campus with a video camera to make a “documentary”. —By groundhog

• Also, minus 20 for Blair saying to Rachel: "You're punishment is you live with it". WHAT THE SHIT??!! I realise Blair is having some kind of revelation about what a bad person she is, but she could still try and make Rachel feel a bit worse about herself if she was going to bypass the actual revenge part —By sishla

• -2 for the cartoonesque moment when Cater flashed his tattooed wrist, twirled his handlebar mustache, and sped off laughing maniacally to tie Elle to the traintracks while Chuck stood there and gave the stupidest expression of his life —By krissnw704

• Elle had disgusting cankles. -10. —By misskaylamac

• -10 for Carter Baizen pronouncing Apotheke incorrectly. (or maybe +10 if he really is that much of a d-bag). —By arsolomon

• -5 for the writer's teasing us with thinking chuck & blair could be together again and then ruining it with the skeezy carter at the end. (but +5 cuz we're going to love watching them have scandalous sex) —By bliz7734

• -15 for Dan quickly banging her in the costume room and then immediately getting over his disappointment of her having a weak and self-indulgent character... someone as self-righteous and whiny as him would spend 5 days on his bed in the dark listening to Eliot Smith on his oversized headphones before moving on. —By greenhillgirl

• oh yeah, -5 for the funk Blair has found herself in. No sexual tension with Chuck. No Yale. No REVENGE?!?!? Do I even know this girl?? —By TeamChuckBass

• -50 for everyone hating on Vanessa for being annoying -- she should get +50 points for being a super realistic arty pretentious earth-conscious vintage-shopping Brooklyn film nerd. Haven't you people ever seen the teenagers raised in Park Slope? —By glamingo

• minus 100 for chuck destroying his chances for ever getting into a secret society that allows you to have illicit sex with random women wearing masks in a moving location... where are his priorities? —By omgbffkit