Jim Gaffigan Wants to Go to the Island of Misfit Toys

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Name: Jim Gaffigan
Age: 42
Neighborhood: Northern Little Italy (lived there before it became
Nolita)
Occupation: Actor/comedian. His King Baby special premieres March 29 on Comedy Central and his TBS sitcom My Boys starts new episodes March 31.

Who's your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional?
My children.

What's the best meal you've eaten in New York?
Generally, I'm a big fan of expensive meals that my agents or manager pay for. Those seem to always be the best value. When I'm paying, the place has to be amazing or fun. Le Jardin Bistro was a favorite (it's gone, I think). [Ed: It's not, actually.]

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
Try to find ways to make the mundane — laziness and food — funny.

Would you still live here on a $35,000 salary?
Yes. And I did about two years ago. I still believe it's hard to leave my apartment and not spend twenty dollars.

What's the last thing you saw on Broadway?
The Lion King. We went with some friends and our kids, and the tickets were only $10,000. I don't even think it was a real lion. I think it was just some guy with a hat on.

Do you give money to panhandlers?
Panhandlers? Is that what we call the homeless now? How do I answer this without sounding naïve or cruel?

What's your drink?
Gravy.

How often do you prepare your own meals?
Um, never.

What's your favorite medication?
Sleep.

What's hanging above your sofa?
A painting of a top by my grandmother. She was an amazing artist.

How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
I think balding men like me should get free haircuts or a discount.

When's bedtime?
Typically 2:30 a.m. if I'm doing stand-up. Midnight if I'm acting. NYC is one of the few places you can stay up till 4 a.m. and not feel like a serial killer.

Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
The old Times Square for many reasons, but mostly because it was less crowded. I must admit that Olive Garden does have a strange appeal.

What do you think of Donald Trump?
He seems like a shy, modest man. Wait, is that the guy who dated Rosie O'Donnell?

What do you hate most about living in New York?
How it ruins L.A. for me.

Who is your mortal enemy?
The sun. The morning.

When's the last time you drove a car?
Yesterday. A rental. I could not tell you the brand or even the color.

How has the Wall Street crash affected you?
I will never get out of this five-story walk-up.

Times, Post, or Daily News?
I'm a fan of all of them, really.

Where do you go to be alone?
The night. The bathroom. A screening of Madea Goes to Jail.

What makes someone a New Yorker?
Anyone who watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and felt a desire to go to the Island of Misfit Toys. I've lived in NYC for twenty years and I still feel like a tourist. Occasionally I’ll get in a cab and the driver will ask me where I'm visiting from.